one christmas eve

i want to have a house big enough to fill my family and friends comfortably and have them all there. to hear the jostling and welcoming of bodies from all over. to see my cousins who will possibly be married then come with their spouses, arms overflowing with food, presents, and jackets.. the laughter of little ones from those who've had children. seeing my dad, aunts, uncles, and other elders gathered drinking XO and wine and laughing and talking. there will be a fire roaring in the fire place, while the living room smells like pine needles from the fully decorated tree which is strung with multi colored lights, ornaments, and cheesy ornaments made by my kids. i'll smell like food from having cooked all day long. we'll all sit down at the tables, the kids in the other room with their kids table. my cousins will laugh and someone will tell a story about the kids table and when we used to sit there. stories will fly around about the past and about the future. funny stories about our kids, about when we were kids from our parents and stories from our parents about when they were kids. Food and drink will be overflowing the table and i'll look around and finally feel like it's Christmas again and look up and thank God for having given me my mother for as long as he did and giving me a wonderful childhood so that i know i have something to look forward to. that even though she's gone and these christmas' feel slightly off.. one christmas eve it will be full again. she will always be missed and loved forever. mom you did a great job. we miss and love you always.

merry christmas everyone! hang on to who you have and remember those who've left. remember the love they left and that still exists and have a wonderful holiday season. i hope it's merry and bright!