Friday, December 13, 2002

Thank you my Angel

I know there is an angel that watches over me and has been watching over me my whole life. Because there is no way, I could have made it this far on luck. I have so much to be thankful for and to celebrate this Christmas and New Year. I am living and experiencing a whole new culture and enjoying it. I was blessed to be put with such amazing housemates and wonderful American friends as well. And to still have people who love me and miss me back at home and who think about me and send me e-mails and cards and all that stuff. It's amazing. Over the past few days I have been numb and eerily alright, but the other day my mom and dad called and I broke down. Spent that day nearly sobbing all day long and not being able to stop. The the next day I was on the phone with Dustin walking around campus and nearly crying the other day, saying how people are being really supportive, but I for some reason wasn't opening up. I feel so vulnerable and just wanted someone who knew me well to be here with me and hold me. I think this vulnerability thing was making me keep to myself, but when I came home after class there was a card in front of my door. 'Ooo, Christmas card' I though. I opened it and it was a sympathy card Matt had bought and had all my housemates sign! It was so beautiful and of course I burst into tears again, but they weren't sad tears. They were grateful, happy tears. I could feel my grandfather there with me when I opened the card and hear his voice saying, 'See, it will be alright, I may be gone, but you'll be okay. Don't shut out what's around you.' I had a nice talk with some of my housemates and they keep making sure I'm alright. And part of me, the ME that usually trusts people so easily came back along with a bit more of my confidence.

I honestly don't know what I'd do if I wasn't in the house I lived in now and was somewhere else in England where my housemates weren't as amazing or wonderful. So a huge thanks to my angel or whoever is out there caring for me, you are truly appreciated with every breath I take.

Although.. right now that breath may be a bit herby, Tilly just cooked an amazing roast dinner! We had roast chicken, stir fried courgettes, steamed cabbage, roasted potatoes and parsnip, boiled carrots and home made gravy! Absolutely wonderful. Yum. So that's all for now. Gonna roll my fatty butt home soon.

Tuesday, December 10, 2002

Dear Grandpa

My grandfather passed away two days ago, December 8, 2002 around noon in Taiwan. I found out the afternoon of December 8th and my whole world felt like it came crashing down around me and I was going to suffocate. I knew he was getting older, his kidneys had failed a year ago and he needed dialysis every week. But people have lived years and years with their kidneys not working. But then the got sick when I came to England and my parents said he was in the hospital. Okay.. so people get sick, but they get better too. He didn't, and when my mom told me she and ALL her brothers and sisters were going back, I got this sick feeling in my stomach that something was wrong. So I wrote this letter and I painted this painting of me and my grandfather, to tell him how much I loved him and how I hoped that he was going to get better. I mailed it December 5, 2002 and I don't think it got there in time for my mother to read it to him or show him the painting. I'm sure he knew that I loved him, but it would have been nice for him to really know how I felt, because I could never tell him. My Chinese was never strong enought to say what I wanted to say and the words 'I Love You' in Chinese coming out of my mouth did not seem like enough. But since he did not get to read the letter, I will put it here to share with everyone else. My grandfather was a strong, highly respected man who touched everyone around him. Most of all he LOVED so greatly and was able to show people how to love and that was something that I will never forget...

Dear Grandpa,
I wish I had learned my Chinese better a long time ago, so that I could write this to you in Chinese or call you and tell you with my own voice how much you mean to me. No words can express how much I love, admire and respect you. You have been such a significant impact on my life every since I was little. I can still remember very vividly living in your house for two months when I was younger. I remember how much fun I had even though I missed home sometimes. I would always feel your love no matter what.
I always think of the times when the Hu family used to gather together during Christmas and summers or for special occasions. There was always this magic within our family that was born from such great love. I feel so incredibly blessed to have known such love from family and to have grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins who care so much for each other. All the memories I have of our family are always happy. Even though us cousins have gotten older, there are still those strong bonds we developed as children that will keep us forever together. My mom always says that blood is thicker than water and since she is often right, this has proven true. Especially since I am so far away from home now.
I loved the stories she would tell me about growing up. Especially how even with such a big family there was never a feeling of being left out or unloved by any of the siblings. I hear so many stories from aunts and uncles about how you raised them and loved them so well and how much they love and respect you. Mom would tell me about how you were proud of us, grandchildren, for all the accomplishments we have done in our lives. To know that I have made you proud gives me such a feeling of accomplishment and sense of self-confidence. It makes me so incredibly happy to know that I have turned out a good person because of you and because of my family – mostly because of love. Without love there is nothing and I have known great love in my life thanks to you.
There is so much I respect about you and just knowing about the things you have accomplished in your life so far is amazing. When you speak people listen and respect you so much for your opinion. I have often been asked whom do I respect and admire most in my life and often it is you I think of besides my own parents as well. I may not have understood everything when I was younger, but as I grew older and watched more, I realized just what a strong family I come from.
I hope you get well soon and know how much I love you.

Tuesday, December 03, 2002

Chapter 3: Silly Vicki.. Nice Guys are for other girls

Of course I have to put in a thing on men! It's me for crying out loud.. bitter single hopless romantic that I am. haha. But anyway.. can I tell you how sexy nice guys are?! They always say nice guys finish last, but that's not true! I was talking to Jane the other day and just going on and on about how great nice guys are. There's something incredibly sexy about a guy who is just genuinely nice. The way they'll notice something about you and help you out without being asked and you know it's not selfish. There are too many selfish pepole in the world, not to say that you shouldn't be at least a little bit selfish. But when someone does something nice, it shows that they're thinking about you and caring about you. It's the little things, remember you asked to borrow something or telling you about something that they remember you're interested in. Or just the fact that they're nice to everyone and notice things, it makes a person feel special. :) And it defiantely shows a lot about the character of the guy. *sigh* However I don't think it's my time to have one yet, but I'll find one... someday.

Chapter 2: 'Tis the Season to Stop Bombing

Since I've been out here I've started to get more politically active. I love it. I wish I had started sooner. Too many Americans are apathetic and take for granted the power that we have as 'free' individuals. I don't think enough people realize the impact that the US has upon the outside world and the damages being done by our country upon others. It's amazing how much one person can do and help start and motivate others to do. It's our job to educate each other on what's going on and to bring out the truth. I'm glad to be actively involved in something I truly believe in. I really had no idea what was going on outside of my little world and although my world still exists, it's growing a little bigger. I have found this thirst for knowledge about what's going on in the world. There's so much out there that does involve me and you and I'm mad at myself for not having realized it sooner. Don't throw away the power and freedoms you have, use them to help others. It's hard sometimes, to go to these talks and lectures and anti-war demonstrations and hear people not really bashing America (more so Bush), but at the same time, the US has done some pretty nasty things. We have our faults, but it's still my home, so that pretty much means I should be trying to change the things at home so the US stops being so stupid sometimes. There are the good things too about the US and I haven't forgotten them. :)

Anyways, some things you might want to look at if you have a chance: The newspaper :) (not just American ones), Stupid White Men (book by Michael Moore), Bowling for Columbine (movie by Michael Moore on American gun culture.. really really amazing film).

Okay that's it for now on politics. :)
Chapter 1: Happy Thanksgiving!

So I've been up to quite a bit lately and haven't really had time to update this page, but here goes. Thanksgiving was uneventful as it didn't really seem like Thanksgiving without the paper turkeys and horns of plenty and posters of smiling pilgrims and indians that look like little kids in everyone's windows. But I was thankful for: my life and health, my family and friends, my new friends in England, my amazing housemates, being able to study abroad and not have to worry about money, everything i have that makes my life so much more comfortable, food and drink and basic living substances, being able to live without fear of being bombed, basic human rights, freedom, and most of all LOVE.

Being away from home can change a persons perspective. :)