Tuesday, June 24, 2003


i feel like i don't quite belong here anymore and i'm not sure where i belong.

Monday, June 02, 2003


Seems that I've been more prone to stress and breaking down (meaning crying and a whole lot of frustration and anxiety overwhelming me psychologically and physically) lately and I couldn't really figure out why. Which is usually because I'll block what I can out so I don't have to feel bad feelings and therefore get on with my work. However there is a limit to everything and with the pressure of exams, trying to pass and graduate, dealing with leaving here and people here, things changing at home, finding a place to live, getting information and money moved around in the states while I'm in England, finding a job, did I mention revising for exams.. oh and exams.. and my future. So it has been realtively crazy up in my head over the last few weeks. But two days ago I got some of the best news I've ever heard! We got a house! A real house, not just a flat, a house in Huntington. I'm not sure what it looks like, but from the specs and my friends judgements it seems alright. Although my room apparently is really really tiny.. oh well I can deal with that, means less rent. And I don't have to worry about if I can get down there this summer or not. If I can, I will, if not then there will be someone living there already. So Phew.. it's nice to have a home to go back too. And now I just have to get past this last exam and I'll be okay. Then all that stands in the way really is my future.. hahaha.. finding a job or internship or just figuring out what I want to do with my life and then saying good bye.

I hate good byes
I'm lousy at them
I will hold back if i can and deny feelings so I don't have to feel anything
But I may cry
The words will escape me as to what to say
I'll cry
Hug them and walk away
and when I do I'll start bottling it all up again
Until I'm alone
Then I'll cry again
Good byes suck..
It's not even a see you later, I'll try to make a trip out once every few months..
It's more like a e-mail me coz I don't know when I'm going to see you again
Although if I have my way, it'll be next spring. :)