It's been a long time since I've posted anything. And a lot has happened during this time and a lot has gone through my head, is still going through my head.. and there will definately be more going through my head. I feel like my life is taking this huge turn, I'm almost out of school and even this coming year will not be in the same school or even the same country. It started out as an exciting adventure, applying for the study abroad program. There were a lot of papers to complete and write and people to see and I had envelopes floating all over and copies of things everywhere. As fate (I don't believe this was luck) would have it, I got accepted into the program and to my first choice school in England. So for the following year the University of Sussex will be my home. This was definately exciting news and did not get scary until the end of summer because my departure for England is fast approaching. This leaving the country for a year "thing" has definately been a catalyst for a lot of things in my life. Part of the catalyst has also been the fact that I have suddenly become aware of the fact that I am almost done with school and will shortly be leaving the safety of a well planned path for the "real world." Anyway, back to this catalyst thing. All my life, I have known how much a person with one word could impact my life. It's easy to know the impact someone has upon yourself, because you are the one feeling that impact. I have been blessed to know such great love from friends and it has turned my life around. To love is one of the greatest lessons I have ever learned and I still hang on to. I didn't realize that I was in turn impacting people, until I was getting ready to leave. Because I knew and felt that I was the one leaving and that I was the one who was going to be all alone without anything familiar in a country so far from home I took for granted many of my friendships. It didn't occur to me that my absence was going to make an emptiness in someone elses heart.
I spent this summer working SPOP and enjoying my last few moments of southern california sun before heading off to a cold, rainy, UK. It was absolutely amazing. I grew to love so many people and develop so many connections. I don't know how strong those connections are, but either way, the people who I have met this summer touched me in such an amazing way and so quickly. I told myself to leave for England "no strings attached" but it's too late. To love and give your heart to people creates a string and bond with that person. My heart is out there in hundreds of pieces to old and new friends alike. I have spent this last month saying "good bye" and it has to be one of the hardest things to do. It aches to know that I won't be seeing people I love for a whole year or feeling their hugs or hearing their voices. When I was telling this to a close friend of mine, he asked me "What if it didn't hurt? Wouldn't that mean people didn't care?" He's right, because this hurts so much I can leave known that I have something not many people have. I have lots of people to love and who love me and will miss me and who I will also miss. But I know in my heart, in the end I will be back in a year and they will be here and the love will be the same.
Thank God for Love.