Wednesday, January 05, 2005

I am: drinking as much water as I possible can.
I think: people aren't really listening to each other.
I know: that I can do better.
I want: more than I have right now.
I wish: I had more of a goal in life.
I love: my bf, my family, my friends and that I can still feel love :).
I hate: liars, being too sensitive, commitmentphobia (my own).
I miss: my mom and my grandfather.
I fear: never achieving true potential (whatever that is).
I feel: my contacts squeezing my eyes and sleepy.
I hear: crazy people in the lobby.
I smell: hot coca with marshmallows.
I see: the monkeys on my wall.
I crave: tenderness.
I wonder: where I'll be in 3 years.
I regret: never having said enough.
I search: for my reality to align itself with my heart.
I am not: as patient as I once was.
I believe: in love.
I sing: in the car and the shower.
I have: more than I realize.
I dance: whenever I can get away with it.
I do not always: hear what my dad has to say.
I fight: back fear that I'll never do what I really want to do.
I hope: that I'll become who I want to be.
I never: say never.
I confuse: my words sometimes.
I ache: from loss.
I can usually be found: daydreaming.
I am scared: of the dark.
I need: love.
I lack: a bit of stability.
I am happy about: how I've handled my life so far.
I expect: to change and grow.

Sunday, January 02, 2005

christmas on a plane, new years in shanghai

I spent Christmas Eve into Christmas day on the UA flight.. you'd think it was nice, but I have to say.. UA Business class (yes i'm spoiled) service has deteriorated. This is how I know I've turned into my father's daughter, when I want to take the flight attendents aside to teach them proper customer service. Now honestly, how hard can it be? Not to mention it's your job!

My dad has this tendency to 'teach' wherever he goes, mostly the waitresses, coz we pretty much eat dinner out at some chinese restaurant every night, so needless to say, I got to hear the 'lecture' given oh... 10 times at least.

Taiwan was lovely, humid, scattered showers and more warm than cold. Visited the new tallest building in the world Taiwan 101 and got to see mr. daniel lee! He's been teaching english in taiwan for the last 5 months. It was so good to see him, we went to Taipei 101 and had lunch.. lunch as in itself and experience. There are an incredible amount of people in Taiwan and on the weekend at the mall and for some reason they congregate as a mass in the food court. Now I hate to be rushed, especially while I'm eating, but you literally had to hunt like hungry lions after a gazelle for a place to sit! We were wandering around with our trays for what seemed like 10 minutes (it was prolly more like 5-7) til Daniel spotted somewhere. I got to taste traditional Taiwanese food, granted I picked the safer version with fried tofu, veggies, soup and rice. Daniel order oyster omelete, honestly tastes like oyster with egg.. I prefer the fried tofu.

I also visited my grandfather's grave, had to lots to say to him in my heart. I miss him so much and it still hurts to know that I couldn't have a few more words with him. I love you grandpa, always.

Next off to Shanghai.. and for political reasons, instead of flying 2 hours from Taipei to Shanghai, we had to fly to Hong Kong (1.5 hours) and wait another 1.5 hours to then fly north to shanghai (2 hours). Lovely.. gotta love the relationship between Taiwan and China right now.

We've been living at my dad's cousins places, one owns the top floor of an apartment building and the other the bottom floor. It's been great, my aunt took me shopping, then my cousin took me shopping and we've been having foot and body massages left and right.. I'm massaged out right now, and it's actually starting to hurt! I've had yummy chinese breakfast every morning and delicious food throughout the day. It's basically been, eat breakfast, shop, eat lunch, massage, eat dinner, come home and sleep.

We did stop by the buddhist temple to pay respects to my mom's memorial there. My dad had an 8 hour service done for her the last time he was here. Some monks chanted while we kneeled and kow towed. I always know she's gone, and if I think about it too much I feel her absence, I don't like to think about it to hard. But sometimes you can't help it, she really is gone... One year later and I know there's still a part of me that's died with her. It's like a room no one goes into anymore, it's door is shut and everything in it is left exactly as it is and yet I'm still not completely sure exactly what's in the room.. but I don't want to open the door.

Mom, I love you.

New years was spent uneventful, I was waiting for the clock to pass 12 so I could go to bed.

Alrighty, off I go, only a few more hours and I head to the airport to finally go home.. thank goodness I don't have to go straight to work. I took the day off, yipee! I miss the states! (Did I mention Shanghainese (many Chinese ppl in general) can be pushy and rude!... oh man.. going to develop an ulcer if I stay longer)

Bye family! Thanks for everything!
i hope in 2005...

to write more often in my blog (so perhaps others can make sense of my randomness)

to exercise more.. or rather continually/regularly

to create more of a plan for my future

to study a language

to save more money

to remember these hopes 3 months into the new year ;)

happy christmas and new years everyone! it's bloody cold in china right now!