recovering grief

Today I went to my first funeral since my mom and my grandma passed away. My hula sister lost her second grandmother a little over a week ago and when she sent out the information I decided I wanted to be there to support her. It wasn't until later that I realized I hadn't been to a funeral service since October 2003. I tried to remember what it was like for me those two weeks and I honestly don't really remember. I can vaguely remember what I was wearing, I know the walls were brown and I remember what they looked like in the box. I remember following people and hugging them, I don't know if I cried, I think I did.

I do remember clearly though, the faces of my friends who were there, the faces of my family members, their hugs and their support through the dinner afterwards. The cards, the flowers, just being there and seeing them there made it easier that day. I remember them being there for the nights where I cried afterwards, the nights I was angry, for letting me scream and cry if I needed too. For taking me to feed the ducks and painting on the walls. For all the tubs of icecream and cookies and movies. For just sitting with me.

I can't say I'm completely better even now, but this day did help me realize how I was feeling that day and how grateful I was that in my time of need they were all there to support me in some way.

I will always be thankful for their love.