recently reminded

I was recently reminded that life is short..
that I sometimes get too comfortable to quickly..
that I my dreams had faded a bit..
that I stopped making plans because I was scared..

so I'm sitting here listening to James Blunt, not really paying attention to the words, but the music is resonating within me and sits right with my heart. I keep thinking about moments, the good ones, the ones that made me smile and made my heart feel so full. Where I'd look up into the sky and think, damn there is nothing better than right now. A friend of mine once commented on the phrase, "college are the best days of your life" - he said, "I don't think they'll be the best days of your life, but they'll be the best memories." I agree. The memories I have during those years, with my friends are the best I've had in my life.

I got lucky, I had lots of sky gazing moments where I got to think, there's nothing better than right here right now. Then life took an unexpected turn for the worse and still today I'm trying to let go of pain.. trying to remember who I was before and stay true to that person despite my loss. Part of me manages because I was that person, part of me manages because I know she wouldn't want me to be any other way.. the other part fights each day not to give into what could be a darker side.

A side that's sadder, more depressed, angry, and selfish.. because it doesn't make me happy. It offers little justification for the heartaches and the painful life lessons we often go through, some sooner than others. Recently I was reminded that it doesn't stop.. we will still love people, we will develop relationships, people will get sick and most certainly people will at some point die. Death is absolute certainty.

Only problem is seems is that those left behind die a little too. What I've come to realize is that we should embrace the pain and all that we've suffered and fill those little parts of our heart that die with new relationships and fill them with the memories, never forgetting who we are or that we still have a future to live. I suppose I've always known this, but recently, I was reminded this can be a long process. But that's okay. I've noticed recently, that what could have been "a great moment" is often now laced with a slight twinge knowing something's missing. But it still fills a little bit of my heart and that little twinge reminds me to relish it more. Laugh with everything you have, cry if you need too, and love as true as you can, most of all be as honest as you can be. Write those letters, take those trips, make those phone calls and live life. Dive into it and soak up every bit of it, because you'll never know when you get the next "moment". We fall so low because we can feel that high.

And live it I will.. one day at a time, from lows to highs, moment to moment.