OMG.. ANY PREDOMINATELY HETEROSEXUAL FEMALE WHO HAS EVER HAD HER HEART BROKEN MUST WATCH.. "SOMEONE LIKE YOU".

my roommate has been trying to get me to watch this movie.. which she first thought was titled "hanging on".. but it turned out it was "someone like you".. and it is totally one of those movies where if you have ever had your heart broken you totally can relate. well most of us heart broken, over analytical females can..

anyway so i started thinking.. remember actually.. a time when i trusted someone with everything i had, because i wanted to. trust is such a small word that carries with is a meaning we cannot even begin to understand the effects that it has upon us and how deeply it weaves into our lives. to break that bond is one of the most hurtful and painful things that can happen to a person. a broken trust isn't so easily healed and it affects every interpersonal relationship that comes after it. i didn't begin to understand this word until i experienced it myself.. and it cut so deep it's still has a strong grip on how i see things now.

when it first happened i remember being so fiercely angry and so desperately sad all at the same time. i wanted to understand why this had happened to me, was it because all men are bastards, assholes, and jerks? ...no... well yes.. at first that's what i kept thinking, no man could do right ever, not ever again, they would just screw up some how and i think that's when i started to get even picker about guys then i already was, or maybe i've always been picky (there's theory developing for that one too).. but i realized it wasn't about guys (thanks to my male roommates who made me realize some things).. it was about me. I'm the one in control of how I think and how I feel.. no doubt I still will have trouble trusting men, but at least i'm walking in an upward direction now and not down. So "no" not all guys are like that, granted sometimes even good guys screw up (i've learned that the hard way). Honestly.. i think most of them want the same thing we all want in the end.. (or beginning, depending on how you look at it). We just want someone to love us for who we are inside and think that we are the most beautiful thing (even if we look like shit). It's that loving a person on the inside that makes them beautiful to you no matter what. When you look at someone and think "God.. I love that person because" of something they do, who they are, what they look like in YOUR eyes, it feels so amazing and to know that you're being looked at like that too.. I'd like to believe that someone out there looked at me like that once and maybe i'll find it again someday.. i say maybe because it's still too hard to say when. but i guess that's why no one can ever really explain love ... because it is that amazing and wonderful.




i would end it there.. seems like a good place to end it, but nothing ever truly ends.. and if you noticed my thoughts tend to run all over the place. and here i'm trying to write as i think, so too bad for you (sorry if it does get hard to read.. but hey you asked for me and you got me). so anyway, back to this love thing.. over the past few years i've learned a lot about love and i have no doubt there's more learning involved in my lifetime. loving your friends can be just as amazing, it's like a small part of loving a significant other... and it helps.. when you have friends who do love you for who you are and you can see it when they look at you and show you.. i guess they help keep my faith in love alive.. because if i can love them, i can love again and be loved in return. life's not always about dark cynical experiences, it's about how you get out of them and make them something new and alive and beautiful..