rediscovering the girly side of me

there was a time when i used to wear dresses, slacks, and heels to work.  then all of that changed and it went to jeans, flats, and a nice top or sweater.  this became even more casual when i went back to business school.

if you asked me to choose though, i'd always choose something like this and flip flops over a dress and heels

sure.. it's grad school, but if i wasn't in a suit and heels for an event/networking/interview i was in flip flops, jeans, and a tank top, usually at the beach, on my board or somewhere outside soaking in the sun and relishing my freedom from a 40+ hour work week.  i knew what i had was precious and i was going to enjoy every minute of it.

fast foward two years and i'm back in the working world and all that's changed.  even thought i work for a company that let's us dress casually every day i've rediscovered the whole dress up idea.  back are the heels, the dresses (dressed down of course), and a bit more fashion.  granted the slacks are still hibernating in the back of the closet (i'll avoid those at all costs if possible), i'm still more of a jeans girl.

thanks to pinterest i'm also getting new ideas, i've got so many fashionable friends that are a constant inspiration to me!  if you want to buy me a present... click here. (i'll admit, i already bought some of it for myself). :D

safety and trust

it's funny how different i can be when i'm with people i feel completely safe with and trust.

i think it brings out the person that i really am inside.

why... why... why?

i often want to understand the "why"behind people, what motivates them to do what they do, to make them feel a certain way about something.  i guess that's why i was a psych major and why i do what i do for a living now.

anyway, my friend and i were talking about guys and she quotes this one book a lot.  almost like it's a medical study.  and i think people do this because we want to understand why.  why didn't things work out?  why didn't they feel this way?  why couldn't he have loved me as much as i loved him? why didn't he want me?

when the reality is you can't really explain it every time.  it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you (although we can definitely feel like there is), but rather that the two of you just didn't work.

at some point, someone may have thought that about you too.  while there may be some reasons people can articulate about why it didn't work, is that what really matters in the end?

a long time ago i asked myself those why questions for a long time and struggled to find answers (not that i ever really asked the guy either).  when finally i realized, it didn't matter.  i realized i had to stop asking why, it wasn't fixing anything and the answers wouldn't fix anything either.  it was what happened, he did what he did and that was that.  and i moved on. it was liberating.

it just feels like there are articles and books and studies that argue about every angle of relationships and what/why/how things do or don't work.  was it always like this? or has the internet made it easier to access/produce all this "information".

i think i'm going to stop reading about dating and relationships and just let life happen.

the heart swings high, the heart swings low

when my heart breaks now, it breaks harder than it did before.

as if it re-breaks all that was broken before.

after experiencing so much death my sensitivity to emotional pain is higher...
but that also means when something amazing happens that happiness is sweeter than it's been before.

that feeling is like a good drug and i want more.