my twenties

I have lived my 20s.

In the last decade I have truly lived, experiencing life and love in a way I never would have imagined and in many ways it has been extremely heart breaking, eye opening, and reassuring. I have come to realize people are incredibly resilient and ever hopeful and that is a wonderful thing.

In the last decade I learned to drink and learned I couldn’t. I lived abroad and found myself more confident and happy when I returned and realized that life continues to move on like the French saying “plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose”. I lost loved ones and went through the most devastating experience of my life. I found my first job out of college and carved a career path serendipitously. I adopted my first dog. I dated. I had relationships. I experienced break up. I experienced hind sight and learned more about love. I lost another loved one and went through the second most devastating experience in my life. I knew the world was unfair but finally felt it drown me and become real. I realized home was where my heart was, my family and friends and not in a location or place.

In the last decade my values changed and my tolerance for complaints and crap from others. My patience disappeared for awhile, some of it never came back. I realized I was angry. I found my empathy again and it came back stronger. I knew I deserved happiness. I remembered who I was and swore never to compromise myself again. At one point I had been to more funerals than weddings and then there were births and weddings and there became more to celebrate than to mourn. I adopted another dog. I dated again. I crushed. I liked. I felt unrequited like. I learned again hindsight is 20/20. I learned to trust my gut. I had my 10-year high school reunion. I started business school. I realized I had a good handle on who I was and what I wanted. Serendipity struck again.

In the last decade I remembered how to feel happy and sad and heartbroken and content. I traveled south and east and west. I drove. I flew. I swam in the Amazon. I saw monkeys, lions, elephants, and giraffes. I saw the brutality of nature and the circle of life. I found sisterhood and ohana through hula, food, travel, chair dances, and colors tests. I have laughed and laughed until I cried and laughed some more until I couldn’t see where I was going. I have tasted food that heals the heart, stirs the brain, touches ones soul, and feels like a party in your mouth! I have also tasted food and then wished I could have had those calories back. I have learned to run and enjoy running. I have learned that your body will change and with some of it, there’s just nothing you can do about it. I have made connections, started new friendships, worked on old ones, shared moments, and fallen in love with friends (not the romantic kind).

In the last decade I have found myself, lost myself, found myself and lost myself again. I have struggled to remember that I am amazing and wonderful and to continue to have faith and hope.

Now that I’m 30, I’ve realized I have lived. That I am all and none of my experiences and that I am resilient and confident and human, which means I have weak moments and times where I forget who I am.

So what am I going to do with this decade?

I am going to live it.