working in the dark

I woke up this morning and I could hear the rain outside and it was completely pitch black. Lately, more often than not, I wake up wondering if I've missed the changing of the clocks or maybe read my alarm wrong and it's really not 7am yet.. but it is. 10-15 minutes later the sky will lighten a tiny bit.

Today's the first day it's actually rained.. really rained, not the wimpy kind of light splatter, but hard plops of drops that cause giant puddles that spray out against your car when you go through a ditch you can't see the bottom of. It's great! I love rainy days too, not too many but I love them all the same. Makes me want to curl up with a cup of hot chocolate and snuggle up to someone, preferrably not just a chum.

Which I now have again in my life! Yay! And as most people say it happens when you least expect it, which it did. Granted, I did meet him online, but I wasn't planning on it. It started out as a joke and then we were talking and he sounded like fun and I was totally up for meeting new people. I was so tired of my friends all being so busy and me just sitting at home bored. So I thought.. well I'm a smart, confident girl, I know exactly what will make me feel better and what is lacking in my life.. my friends!! People to hang out with, to make stupid jokes with, people who love me for my dorkiness. Granted I still have my friends, but they're scattered all over and busy with their own lives, not to mention distance makes it hard to hang out.

So I start kicking it with this guy, he's funny, he's cute, he's 'normal', we're so different but things kind of clicked so I went with it. But it does feel a bit strange.. I've been single for so long and as much as I complained about it, I look back and realize how much of a blessing it actually was. I had LOTS of time for self reflection.. and I know this time around I won't lose myself so blindly into a relationship and forget who I am. I know I'm still capable of changing and I'm sure there's still more to learn about who I am as a person, but damn.. after all the shit I went through in the last few years, I'm glad I still managed to retain most of my 'sanity' and most of 'me'. I was so afraid I'd turn into this stone faced, stone hearted, bitter person. But I can't, I won't, and even if this relationship ends up hurting me, it's not going to stop me from ever loving people and trying to find that 'can't live w/out each other love'.

Already things are changing, more of my friends are in the area now, I'm getting more involved with the community, going to start hula lessons too! And now there's a new man in my life, it's strange to say boyfriend, I've never really used that word before. It's strange to hear him refer to me as his girlfriend.. strange but nice, comforting. Especially since just as I start getting settled, my brother takes off for school in So Cal and my dad moves out to North Carolina! They left me here!! At least I'm not alone. :P Although now.. I have another 'challenge' ahead of me, I've actually gotten used to being single, being independent. Now I'm going to have to learn to be part of a relationship that's not friendship. I have a feeling this is going to be fun... ;)

I guess I can let myself be happy.. right? I know I for sure as hell deserve it!