i'm in love.. with love

.. well i think i'm in love, actually i'm pretty sure of it. i'm in love.. with an idea. sad as that is. of the love of this man, this "perfect for me" man. I know how my heart feels when he's close to me. How my body comes alive when he kisses me, how safe I feel when he holds me. how we're happy just hanging out or going out or just sitting quietly. how his arms feel around me. the evenness of his breathing as he sleeps next to me. how in his eyes i am the most beautiful thing he has ever seen and he can't believe he has me. how despite the fact i'm no traditional beauty, he sees me for me and it makes me irresistable to him. i can feel it in my mind and in my body.. how it's all supposed to feel.

i love him so much that my heart aches.. because it's not real. because the one time i believed in a love like this, it turned out to be a lie. i had known the truth deep down inside, but i loved the hope of what i knew could be true. i have to admit i'm afraid i will never love like that again, that i'll end up loving a lie again.

maybe that's why i'm still single, then again it could just be because i'm picky...

anyways, it's semi-late, my heart is aching, and that's how it feels. i know love. i know love in so many forms and i know it's power over me and it's power over people. that's why my heart aches, i know what it's supposed to feel like, i know how it heals, i know i don't have it the way i want it right now.

my heart is breaking because i'm in love

..with the hope that love will heal me.