current moment

sitting in a coffee shop, feeling slightly productive since i finished my finance homework, chatted to some people and just thinking about how lucky i am.

life is good. right here, right now.

things I remember about my mother's funeral 6 years later

My cousins all surrounding my brother and me.

The white sweater and pin striped pants I wore that day and then donated because I couldn't bring myself to wear them again.

The man taking photos of the entire event.

Looking up and seeing that my friend and ridden in from out of town to be there for me and feeling grateful just for his presence.

The wreath of flowers Karen ordered and put everyone's name on. Constantly hugging. Feeling completely numb.

The couch at the funeral home, the couch at the hotel.

The reception at the hotel and people standing up to tell stories as a photo slideshow played against a backdrop. Someone talking about her yellow suit.

Everyone in our hotel room, drinking a bottle of alcohol worth ridiculous amounts of money that was supposed to be drunk at my wedding or a happier occasion, laughing, crying, telling stories.

Struggling to fall asleep while my dad falls into a drunken, grief-stricken, sleep. Knowing my brother had to go sleep at home due to some Buddhist superstition.

...somehow it's been 6 years, I will always miss her, I will love her forever and it is her love that makes her loss easier to bear. thank you mom.

Sunset over Tustin