Love at 9 years old

My friend and I took a walk today, into our past by way of conversation. It was hilarious. She mentioned that she had recently come upon photos of her and I when we were young. I was trying to recall the first time I met her or even spoke to her, but I can't. I thought it was middle school, she says it was elementary. Or at least that's where we knew of each other's existence. I'm not quite sure if we ever talked, although I suppose we must have since our friends were the same. At least hi..

Anyway, it got me thinking about moments in my life that I still remember. They're not quite vivid anymore, but I remember them happening.. or at least I'm pretty sure they did.. who knows with memories anymore. I think the way these work is hopefully someone else who experienced it remembers it too. So there was my first friend, gloria and through her jenny, this was my first real Saratoga memory. Well that and losing my She-ra doll in our house when we first moved in. I think I was sad for about a day and came to the conclusion that she went on a trip. Don't ask how the mind of a 7 year old works.. gloria and I became friends because we were both shy, so we stuck to the back of the room. Then I remember my first crush, zach, he was in my 3/4th grade class. He was nice and I think he was cute, blond hair, blue eyes.

Then came the beginning of the boy crazy years. I'm not even really sure why I liked these guys, mostly I think because they were nice. I remember conversations among my girl friends, so who's your #1 crush... #2? Yes those were grand times, we thought we were so grown up and life was so complicated.. little did I know.. it gets worse. I remember chasing some boys around the playground with my friends Alvina and Katy.. we chased the boys all around the playground and they made the mistake to climb up the jungle gym.. a ha! trapped! I think Alvina made them give up who they liked, it was hilarious. I believe it was four boys and us.. turned out two had crushes on me (those two were also my #1 and #2, yeah I was a pimp!) and the other two like Katy and Alvina. Keep in mind.. we're 9 years old. What do 9 years old know about love?!

I remember throughout 10th grade my #1 crush and I wrote letters to each other. Yes.. 9 year old's writing "love" letters. I wish I still had them, they were hilarious. I remember finding them in high school and I couldn't stop laughing, it was great. (Coz you know in high school our idea of love is waaay more mature.. *note sarcasm*). I think my idea of love at 9 years old was better, things got more complicated in high school.. we got stupider about love too. I remember the letters ended when he went off to private school and I moved into middle school. That's when the trauma that is your friends helping you with your crushes kicked in. My #2 crush had the unfortunate circumstance, in that he went to the same middle school (we only had one where I lived). So he bore the brunt of all my friends doing stupid things.. this included loud talking using code names as we walk by them, them for some reason throwing my picture on his desk after school (thank you jane for saving me that day). I didn't suffer as badly as some others.. one friend followed another person's crush.. followed so closely she wasn't looking and stepped on his heel, there were the prank phone calls, the suggestive ones.. "so.. if so and so liked you, what would you think..". Oh it was awful, I'm pretty sure we were worse than most other normal kids our age. This is what happens when you grow up in a semi-strict culture and you have too much idle time. Instead of smoking or drinking.. we talked about boys, crushed on them, and pretended we knew what love was and all the pains and joys that come with it.

Believe it or not, we all survived middle school.. only to make it worse in high school. This time though the embarrassment factor was 10x higher. You're awkward and gawky.. or at least I was, dressed in my fancy art show sweatshirts and black leggings (I was so behind the times and my friends loved me so much they never said a word). I didn’t own my first pair of jeans (after 6 years old) until my junior year of high school.. sad isn’t it. I’m not longer ashamed to say this out loud.. I was a fashion freak. To top it off, I managed to burst the button off the jeans bending down for a book in the library, I was mortified, at least I was alone.. and thank goodness for the baggy art show sweatshirt (yes.. I was still wearing them). I remember at some point, I stopped liking guys, or at least the ones that were in my high school. I had just been around them for so long, the crushing kind of just ended. Granted #2 followed me there too and for the first 2 years I entertained the idea. Now that I think about it, I think I kept liking him out of idleness.. there was nothing else to do and my friends all had crushes on people and so he was mine. He was cute and very, very nice. I’m sure he still is. When I had stopped liking him, that was when he asked me to junior prom. I recall his best friend at the time, asking what I would do if he asked me.. and suddenly the tables were turned! It was his friend doing the embarrassing prelim interview now.. muwahahaha. I remember shooting back, we’ll see what happens if he asks. He did, I went, we had a great time, no pressure, just fun. Senior year went along pretty normally, I ended up crushing on a guy from a different school.. I should have been outreaching to other schools in the first place! I ended up at prom with a good friend and again we had a blast, no pressure, just fun. I think that’s the way to go.. I’ve always ended up having a great time with guy buds.. why? No pressure. I get to love them and have a great time and loads of laughs, plus if they’re really close friends, you can still snuggle without consequences and complications. Oh young love… how simple it was. Sometimes I wish I was still 9 years old, love wasn’t so complicated then.

dreaming of Italy

I'm not sure why, just been thinking about it a lot. Perhaps because it's the last my family went on vacation when my mom was still around. Anyway, I got attached to Florence, there was something about the town that I just loved. The whole area was wonderful. So I was trying to remember the name of this restaurant we went to that I desparately want to return to and finally found it after 30 minutes of searching online and then realizing I had written the name down as a caption under a photo I uploaded years ago.. thank goodness! So before I forget again.. Trattoria Pandemonio, just across the river on Via del Leone. Ask for Mamma!

Pandemonio
Telephone 055.22.40.02 Price Range €€€
Address Via del Leone, 50r Quarter Oltrarno - Piazza Tasso
Open 1:00 - 3:00 , 7:30 - 11:00 Closed Sunday

Do you have the Right Stuff?

So I was looking up some information for an auction item for our agency's BBQ/Auction (by the way tickets are on-sale - $35/adult, $10/child.. great food, great auction items.. and my company - priceless!

Anyway, so I was googling.. the Right Stuff. I was looking for the health clubs and instead pops up this.. The Right Stuff. A dating site for graduates and faculty of "excellent universities and colleges". You can see a list of who is considered "excellent" by clicking this link.. "Select Schools". So sad.. I'm sure if I write to her and say, hey what about UC Irvine, US News has us ranked 40th in the nation, she's turn her nose up at me and say, I don't think so. I never really understood what all the hype was about. No matter where you go, you'll end up with almost the same education. Granted, graduating from MIT almost gaurantees you a 80K a year job while graduating UC doens't really guarantee you anything.

I still remember a time when a friend told me that I should seriously consider transfering because why whould I want to graduate with a degree from Irvine. That I should consider a better school, like UC Davis (which by the way ranks 48th according to US News - not that that means anything either). I doubt he remembers ever saying that, but I wanted to smack him with my two inch psychology book for saying that to my face. He didn't realize it, but he basically called me stupid.. indirectly of course.

There was another time when an MIT grad friend told me her company was looking for people... the catch? They had to have graduated from an "excellent university". So sad, think of all the cheaper talent they could have missed out on. Some smart people can't afford to go to ivy leagues you know!! *shaking fist at air* Not saying I'm all that smart, probably more "street" savvy.. and I'm not talking about East LA or EPA streets... more along the lines of wordly streets. Anyway, I deviate... I'm sure some people would just read this and say... 'oh she's just bitter she didn't get into a better school.' Me? I'm just thankful I don't regret any part of my college career.

It just got me thinking about how the value of our selves in the working world and now even the dating world is based on what we can write under education on our resume. As you know people adjust their resumes for the jobs that they apply to.. well ladies and gents, time to dust off those pens and start thinking about how you want to sound to your future spouse (assuming you want to get married).

Hmm.. there's an idea, what to date me? Sumbit your resume, you'll receive a call back if you're selected for a first round interview, then we'll talk.

at some point

...you break, you fix yourself, everything becomes okay again, you give up, you're in that moment, you're in that memory, you're reliving a nightmare, you're dreams are coming true... at some point...



you can't explain it to people, you're tired of talking about it and you think people are tired of hearing about it. they give you the same advice over and over again, but no one who isn't living it can't really understand and there aren't any who haved lived it because it's never done. you'll live with it for the rest of your life and then someone will live with your it.

quite often it's dark here and you plug along because deep down inside you know you're completely sane and rational and that life wasn't like this before. but you still wish there was help somehow. someone who wasn't involved who could help you find peace with this point. yet somehow where you look for help it isn't about helping others anymore, why because others who have come before you have abused the helpers.

we all become so mixed up with all the experiences we have, we think we know better than anyone else and the only real path to peace is finding others like you who understand, but even then it's usually a connection to that one point, so you find others who will understand other parts and eventually you'll reach a point...

must love dogs

there is something to be said about a man who loves animals (well really about anyone who loves animals), particularly dogs. they are great human companions and quite often we fall in love with them rather quickly and they become our children. if you are a person who loves dogs or owns one you know what I'm talking about.

someone asked me how i could love griffen when i've only had him for a month. how could you not! dogs will love you unconditionally, you become the center of their world. they rely on you for food and love in the form of hugs, scratches, belly rubs, and playtime. in return they are devoted to you and love you back. they are the perfect companion. easy to please and with a look you can never say 'no' to.

now it's hard to give your heart or even share it with someone else. there's a danger in getting hurt, yet we will give our hearts to our animals quickly and without hesitation. now to watch a guy do that.... there's something to be said for men who love dogs.

voicemails

i like getting voicemails that someone's leaving you as you are calling them back. :)

fourth of july

Now I suppose I should post this tomorrow, but whatever. It feels like today should be the holiday, when are holiday's on Tuesdays! It's weird.. I went to work today and it only took me 8 minutes. Everything about this holiday feels strange this year.

I woke up and left the house and it was cloudy and there weren't any cars on the road.. barely any cars while I was driving. It almost felt like everyone else knew a secret and I missed out. Like they all left and I was stuck here.

The weird thing is, I usually don't celebrate the fourth of july, usually what happens is random mixes of friends, strange bbq's and sometimes fire works.

There are a few fourth of july's I do remember..

July 4, 1990

Driving around in our station wagon trying to find fireworks with my family and find the best spot to view them. It was funny, I think we got in the car and drove somewhere.. decided it wasn't that great, and while the fireworks were going off.. drove around again to find a better spot. It was great fun, there were pillows involved and lots of comfy lying down space.

July 4, 1997

With high school friends.. again driving around, just being stupid. Why? Because we had our licenses and at least some of us had cars. I don't really recall seeing fireworks.. hearing them yes.. visual contact.. no.

July 4, 1999

After our first year of college, we were all back in town. Summer fun and time to reconnect. We went to De Anza college and laid down on the grass. We put down all our sweaters and everyone's head was on someone else's tummy. It was the most fun I remember having at on a fourth. There we were all comfy, surrounded by tons of people doing the same thing, all watching the same bright shots of light in the sky.

July 4, 2002

I missed not celebrating, so I called up random people. It was the strangest mix.. Jane, Efrain, Luis, Angel, Clay, Me and a small little grill. Ef and Luis brought some great carne asada and did the bbq'ing. We all took a trip across the street later to purchase fireworks.. with the help of Jane's sweater and some boobie and direction from Clay we scored twice as many fireworks as we paid for. They were less than spectacular, but fun when you're full of food and beer. Then of all the randomness.. we went to a Kappa Sig house party in Newport. Interesting night.

July 4, 2006 (almost.. in another 3 hours)

The holiday is almost here and I can't help but feel that this is another holiday without my mom. As I was walking my dog, I was thinking about my family.. and for some reason Tahoe popped into my head. Tahoe in the summer.. the smell of it, the memories from all the vacations I've taken there. I think one future July 4th.. I'd like to spend in Tahoe, remembering my mom, eating bbq, and listening for fireworks. :) As for tomorrow.. four years later and here we are again, nothing planned. I'm sorta hoping something fun and surprising will happen...