AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURGH

Yeah.. term's started, classes begin tomorrow.. 2 6,000 word dissertations due May 19th and then two unseen exams on classes that I took in freaking Autumn/Fall term/quarter!! I forgot what it's like to take tests and exams and do loooong papers. I had 5 weeks for Easter break and I was supposed to do work on my dissertations towards the end of it. I even came home early to get started.. but did I? Hahah! No way, I spent the time watching movies, eating, sitting on Brighton beach b/c it was 23 degrees Celsius.. so what.. about 75 F, went to town and wandered around, went shopping.. read about 10 pages total in two weeks. Finally I sat myself down and did 500 words in a few hours and then today came to the library, where I currently am and did 2,000 words! Whoo hoo. Feeling like more weight's been lifted off my shoulders. I've realized that he more stressed out I get, the more little itty bitty things, the bad things, and the sad things get to me in life. I should go work out or something.. too bad the gym's so freaking far and costs money to go to. Hmm maybe I'll look into a pilates class. Or just go for more walks. hehe. Okay back to my paper.

D-Day: June 18th

bittersweet

Lazy Ass

That's me.. one giant lazy ass. I seriously have been doing nothing but laying around all day watching movies I get from the library or off my friend's computer. Sad. I should go out there and do something with myself.. actually I should start reading more for my dissertations. It always seems easier to read for my dissertations when I'm not home and on a train traveling somewhere or in a hostel with a 12am curfew.. haha. Maybe I should plan a trip somewhere in England that's far away by train, so I can study and get some work done and then see a bit more of England. Hehe.. well we'll see. Although I should do this soon. Maybe Dustin wouldn't mind having me around for a bit. I think I'll give him a call.. someone's gotta save me from this boredom and myself.

Adventure!

It started out with dry eyes and a slight irritation w/ having my contacts in, so I started taking them out. In went the plunger cuz I was lazy and out came the left contact, safely packed it away in solution in the case. Then the right eye... suddenly because the contact was so dry it slips off the plunger and falls, bouncing into the drain.. SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Looking with my specs on and can't spot it. Grab my flashlight in the hope that maybe it's still there somewhere.. gotcha! Hanging on a cliff ledge of metal underneath the strainer of the sink. Ungh, can't get the strainer off.. well.. what now? Bubble gum? Tape? Nope.. blue tack and a chopstick.. after some difficult manuevering and scraping the side of the pipe which I've realized is disgusting! Brown gunk all over.. Anyway I finally manage to get it to stick and only problem is my hand shakes.. so I clamp the chopstick in my mouth to help keep it steady, holding the flashlight w/ my left hand and manuevering the chopstick w/ my right I pull it out to freedom. Covered in a bit of gunk, washed off and checked, it's fine and now safely away in its case. Yay!!

I'm pathetic and lazy!

How sad.. I'm sooo bored and lazy, I've read a total of 6 pages today and took notes on it and watched movies through the blurry and fuzziness of static on the TV from lack of reception. And that is seriously all I can really remember doing, besides going to the store and purchasing food and a newspaper. So I read a bit of that and cooked food today. Sometimes i wonder what the heck I'm doing and how sad and pathetic I am.. especially when I start analyzing the thoughts that will run through my head sometimes.

Maybe i'm just crazy... and not actually pathetic and lazy..

OMG.. i'm in such a strange mood right now.. must be the lemon and ginger tea.. it made me light headed earlier and now this.. I could ramble some more, but I'll probably just scare people. haha. ok..

Motivation where are you?!

Two dissertations due May 19th, 6,000 words each (21 pages each) and two exams, which isn't nearly as bad as what some of my friends got. But damn.. I'm so over school!! I totally don't want to write these stupid papers. I just want to read for fun, this stuff is interesting to read on it's own, but I keep thinking about my papers and how I'm going to shove this information in. Although I suppose that's good, because it's making me think about this reading critically. Haha.. I'm turning into a nerd! Yay! Anyway, doesn't help that I've got my housemates TV and VCR in my room.. and that the library has a large selection of films to check out for free.. Last night it was A Hard Day's Night and The Picture of Dorian Gray (going to kill Theo for telling me to read the book.. since I couldn't get the book I got the movie and it's creeepy! and I'm all alone in the house!). So I got Eat Drink Man Woman, The Wedding Banquet, and Roman Holiday.. happy movies for tonite. whoo hoo. Suppose I should get a bit more work done before I leave the library.

As for the rest of my life, I've realized I've gotten more sensitive and emotional or something over the past few months.. and I don't like it. It's as if I feel more vulnerable for some reason and not really safe. It's a yucky feeling. Anyway, gonna read a bit more and then head home for some lunch.

Songs for the moment: India Arie- I Am Ready For Love and Avril Lavaigne - I'm With You

Being me is just fine

We all get into those times when life seems so uncertain and scary and it feels like things are falling apart because there's nothing to hold onto. Well that's how I've been feeling for awhile now.. and going to Italy with my family wasn't helping. If you know me and my dad and our relationship... oi. Anyway, so my head's been one big mess lately about everything in my life. Nothing felt normal and although everyone said that when I came home it would all be the same I know it's not. Two of my closest friends are heading off to New York together to grad school (they're together) and another is going to Columbia for grad school to be closer to his girl friend. Another good friend migth be moving back down to San Diego and all my high school friends are pretty much up North. I've still got a few close by in the So Cal area if I move back down there which is what I want to do. But still.. nothing's the same you know?

But I got letters recently from a few of them and it's amazing what a letter can do... and a 'sunshine CD' that one of them made. It totally reminded me of who I have in my life and how incredible they are and how I am capable and worthy and wonderful and gosh darn it people like me!!! So yeah, defiantely got a bit of confidence back inside of me and it feels great. Life may be uncertain, but I'll find my way eventually.

Thank God for amazing, incredible, indescribable friends. *muah* Thank god for love.

Mallorca and War! (although War could use a whole section on its own.)

Got back yesterday from Mallorca and it was absolutely beautiful. I left the country and it was cold and spent the week in the sunny Baleric Islands (part of Spain.. where Ibiza is). It wasn't that warm, but the last two days were nice enough to lay out and relax at the beach. We went shopping, walked around Palma, the capital and took a train ride to Soller and visited the small town of Valldemosa. Absolutely beautiful. I want to go back again some day and maybe party it up. All that were around were old German people and a lot of German speaking cyclers training for some bike marathon or something. Some 20 year old Austrian bloke just came up to us and started chatting with us. Me and Joy got hit on at the beach by some 15 year old Spanish blokes asking if we were going to 'fiesta' that night. But being the old fogies that we are we watched a bunch of German TV and tried to decipher the news in French, Spanish and German ( I swear it seems like the island isn't even Spanish!) and went to bed early.

It's crazy to imagine that I was laying at the beach and there was a war going on about 2,000 miles to my East.. scary. Felt a bit guilty about the fact that I was safe and sound and at the beach while people were being blitzed and hurt and killed. I could go on and on about how I feel about this war, but after having talked about it with my dad (mr. devil's advocate himself.. frustrating man that he is) and having a discussion with a pro-war ex-spopper of mine this morning, I don't really want to. I don't believe in it and everything I read in the newspaper makes me sadder and sadder at the state of our world and the American government. There seems to hardly be any humanity left in this world..

Just as I expected

I could have gone along just fine, not thought about it and would have gone home forgotten about it and have a great friendship with mr. man. But after the planting of hope by my housemates.. I actually got up enough guts to do something. Despite the fact that deep down in my gut I knew he didn't feel the same I JUST KNEW!! But when you've got three people in the house.. telling you you're wrong.. and giving you hope..making things uncertain, what are you going to do? So I wrote a letter (don't laugh.. please..) and Noelle delivered it (yeah I know childish in a way). And an hour later I got the resonse I knew was coming in the form of letter. Didn't feel the same way although I'm (list of good and flattering things.. wow.. am I really? awww how sweet). But we're gonna be friends still.. so as soon as I get over a bit of heart ache and this extreme embarrassment that I feel when I see him sometimes.. things will be all good. Although this does prove that I'm not completely off base.. not like I was about the last boy situation i was in way back when.. and that the masses may not necessarily be right. But it does make my life a bit more uneasy.. because then I haven no pattern to base the next situation on! Geez.. you think life could give me a break and not be so damn complicated and difficult and random! But then life would be boring..I suppose.

yay and boo all at the same time. life is definately bittersweet... maybe a bit more bitter.

Regrets..

Okay, so it's gotten to the point where the internal dialogue inside my head is about to kill me. Well not kill me but it's straight up bugging me like crazy. I haven't had someone occupy my thoughts in quite awhile. I'm usually just chillin' doing my own thing, no real drama in my life. Except for the occasional minor stuff that's been going on I've been relatively happy. Enjoying my singleness and just enjoying being myself.. so what the heck! I get this wrench thrown into the works and I'm sure this boy is totally chill about the whole situation and doesn't even realize what's going on anyway. Which means he probably doesn't like me. But I can't help but wonder and this uncertainty is one of the most annoying things in my life right now.

I've always told others to take the chance when they could because you could pass on something great and it's better to know than not to know.. but now that I'm in this situation I don't know if I can swallow my own pill and take my own advice. The fear of losing a friend is so great inside me and I hate weirdness. But then again.. when have I ever really taken a chance in my life? Situations have happened in my life where I have reacted or where I've spoken without thinking. And so many times these days I want to just blurt something out and it's sitting there in my throat and sometimes in my mouth but never past my lips. I just don't know what to do. Am I mistaken to take fate into my own hands and see what becomes of things?

Being the me that I am.. I have this tendency to overnanalyze every little bit of information that passes through my senses. It feels like the signals aren't there and then they are and all of it is so mixed up! How annoying! I thought I could understand men.. I can't. Because everytime I think I've got them.. someone will come along and change everything all up! Will you guys just quit it! Thank you. Anyways.. thinking of saying something next Friday.. because then there's 5 weeks of Easter break, so if all goes to hell maybe 5 weeks will fix it.. yeah? I don't want to regret something in my life.. and I'm afraid I may actually be faced with one possible regret if I stay silent...

How scary.. to know that perhaps you have control over one possible regret in your life, which may not be a regret later in life.. but whatevers. We'll see.. next Friday.. if I've sorted out my head a bit more by then..or maybe not.

I hate how pathetic I can get sometimes.. damn it.. I am me and that's all I'll ever be.

For Grace..

Okay so I got all excited cuz I saw that I had a message and it was Grace telling me I don't update enough. So here's the update and it's all for her.. well dedicated to her anyway. haha. But let's see.. life is good. The weather is getting a bit warmer.. although this probably means tomorrow it'll snow now that I've said that. Scary that I consider 50 degrees F warm. As for the house, all is well if not great, been getting into more 'philosophical' conversations about love. Probably because I've been 'fancying' someone and so my housemates have been trying to get me to say something.. but being the scared ass I am.. I'll ALMOST get the nerve to do or say something and then back down and think.. WTF am I doing. But oh well.. maybe I will maybe I won't.. probably maybe I won't. Not sure if the feelings are reciprocal, my housemates say yes.. I'm not so sure.

Been getting back into the dark room and I love it.. well sometimes.. I've fucked up the last three rolls of negatives I've done and no idea why or what's going on. I think the developer is wack. So we'll see.. it's making me really sad that the negatives come out so shiet. Cuz it means I have to spend more time trying to fix the damn photo w/ filters and light and etc. My first roll came out great.. I'll scan ASAP and put up photos on the England -> my art page. Been painting too just for fun. And getting more invovled with anti-war stuff. So sad. Just trying to learn all I can about what's going on. Ignorance is unfortunately a disease that plagues a lot of Americans.

Guess that's all for now. Getting late should sleep soon.
Oh yeah and I'm online finally in my room!! Slow modem, but cheaper than phone calls.. Although I'm not a big fan of the computer anymore. I kinda like hearing poeple's voices more and there's more to life than internet. haha. Ciao!

Ewww.. I never learn

Okay so I went to watch a British film last night called 28 days later. It's a bit like Resident Evil, if you don't want to hear about the movie, skip the next bit.

So it's about this plague of Rage that is transmitted through blood, usually if an infected one bites you (they constantly have blood in the mouth) then you're infected in 10-20 seconds and you go around like a zombie eating people and killing things. Of course the plague was injected into some chimps by a lab and some animal rights activists let them out.. hahaha..

It was my first 'real' british film, not counting harry potter and lord of the rings, because those are really hollywood. the filming was really different and the way the script was written was really different. you'd get nothing out of Resident Evil but pure gore and zombies and scare scenes. You get all that, minus some of the gore, lots of blood and a lesson about the military, activists, human nature and etc.. weird. :)

anyways, yeah that's all. had a weird dream last night as i had to continually tell myself that it was okay, just a movie, everything is fine... and all the shadows in my room moved and i had to call Beat so he could make me feel better b/c last time we watched Resident Evil together i was messed up for days.. i never learn..

I feel old.. sometimes

So of all the random things I did yesterday I went to a Sum 41 concert. They're a punk band from Canada. My friend Kristine had gotten tickets and she didn't have anyone to go with so I said I'd go. So we took off for London and had some yummy Tapa's at this place called La Tasca.. YUMMMMMMMMM I want some more paella right now. Anyway, after that we wandered around for a bit and got on the tube to get out to Wembley Arena. We follow the crowd of predominantly 13 year olds or even younger kids with their parents! And a few 16-18 year olds to this huge arena that's pretty much packed with people. So Kristine's a huge fan of Sum 41 and I've heard two of their songs before, but I managed to get into it and it was good times anyway. But Gawd.. if I didn't feel soooooooo old.. here we are (21 and 22), dressed in tank tops, a jumper, and a coat with our purses and 'regular' jeans.. in a crowd of 0-18 year olds with parents, who are wearing baggy, WIDE leg jeans with chains and straps all over the place and black hoodies and crazy tank tops.. haha.. I forgot what punk was like. It was cool.. interesting to see the punk world over in England since I've only been experiencing the hip hop stuff. Boy do I love hip hop. Punk is good.. but don't know if I'm digging the punk concert scene.

Two night before Sum 41, we went out for Hailin's 21st birthday! Happy Birthday Hailin. Had some chinese food, not as good as home, but good enough.. and some BOBA!! For the first time in god knows how long! It was sooooooooooooooooo good. Then we hopped over to the Event II and saw Cash Money, Rhazel and the Beatnuts.. awesome night. Unfortunately I had yoga earlier that day so I was utterly exhausted.. by the end of the night my mind was completely gone and my body pretty much dead tired. The next day was even stranger as I walked around not quite sure of what I was doing. It was the strangest feeling. Almost as if I was outside of my body, watching all the stuff go on.. or just deep inside my head looking out through my eyes. Everything seemed so far away... weird out of body experience.. or into body experience.

Other than that, life is really good right now. I'm totally enjoying England, weather is still a bit funky, but I love my housemates and we're having good times. As evident by the lack of postings I suppose. I just can't be asked to write much lately, or spend much time in the computer lab. Mostly because reading and studying and essays have me swamped with work.. ugh. It's my fifth year! You'd think I could relax.. but noooooo. Anyways, I better get some reading done for Monday or I'll feel lame in class not having anything to say.. there's only 6 people in my class! 6!! So i can't exactly sit there and not say anything.. well I could.. but I'd feel lame.. yeah I know I'm a nerd.

in limbo

You'd think that coming out to a whole different country and knowing that once I get home I have to enter the 'real' world would help clear up my mind as to what I want to do with me life. INSTEAD it only confuses me even more! Good grief! I knew I was going to meet new people and experience new things, but in my mind I knew that in 9 months I would be going home. I didn't think part of me would want to stay. Part of me wants to stay.. another year or something, I like it here. I have amazing people in my life that I would love to get to know better and there's this whole new opening up of ideas and thoughts and so much information to soak up. It's amazing how much thinking and change a person can go through by being 1/3 of the way around the world (did you know Japan, California, and England are the same distance apart from each other? more or less).

Getting actively involved in LIFE is wonderful. It's not to say I don't miss California and the sun and the beaches and my friends and family who know me inside and out. Because I do, I miss them like crazy and it didn't help that I was going to have to choose between Northern California and Southern California as a place to live. But chalk up one more choice.. Brighton. The other day Tilly and Noelle were telling me how they keep thinking of housing next year and who they want to live with and the one person they keep thinking of won't even be here anymore (it's me by the way.. haha). :( It makes me sooo sad, England's so far away from California. It seems no matter what happens at the end of this year, I'll be leaving someone and returning back to someone.. my whole life seems to be like that! A series of leaving and crying and loving and returning, but my heart has been split into so many pieces that are carried by people I love all over the world or even into the next (Grandpa I love you and think of you constantly).

Audrey Hepburn once said, "I was born with a terrible need for affection and a terrible need to give it."

Oh how funny life can be.

out of place

I suppose it's just one of those days, or maybe I say that to justify it to myself. But I'm sad today. I feel out of place in this country and in this school and with these people. There are so many cool people around me, in my house, and for some reason I feel like I can't get close to them. There is this wall, I don't know if it's mine or theirs or what. But something seems different. There is one guy in my house who I feel totally like myself around and completely comfortable with, although he's a little excitable at times and outta control, I don't have to try with him. Kristine, Peter (who's the guy I mentioned before) and I were kicking it in the house and talking last night when they mentioned that in my photos with Dustin I seemed to be all smiles and happy. But in pictures of me and my housemates, the ones caught off guard, sometimes I'm not smiling and look sad and lonely. I think its because with Peter and my American friends we have shared our lives with each other. I know about them and they know about me, but I don't really know that much about the other people in my house. Except for Theo maybe, he and I have had some really good converstions. But there are others whom I would LOVE to know better, but I'm not sure how to break through. I know how to make friends and how to trust and who to trust and how to read people back in the states. It's a place I understand and a place I grew up in, but England.. England is completely different.


any ideas? i'd love to hear them.. damn i'm missing my friends back home like crazy right now.

Bonne Annee *muah*

It's a new year. I made the resolution that upon my return to Sussex that I would try to act like myself more often. Too many times during the last term I would start to get uncomfortable and scared and the confidence in who I dropped. Although being sick right now it's helping a damn thing, so we'll see what happens. It's strange, I felt like coming back would change something in me, like a fresh start in some way. But it feels like things are ever just the same.. but not. We came back and in a sense picked up the university routine we had left behind, but something was slightly different. We now had a past with each other, a short one, but still we have shared experiences now. weird.. maybe it's just my aching sinuses making me feel funny.. hmm.. anyway back I suppose this is enough procrastinating. I was supposed to be reading the Communist Manifesto an hour ago.. haha..

Thank you my Angel

I know there is an angel that watches over me and has been watching over me my whole life. Because there is no way, I could have made it this far on luck. I have so much to be thankful for and to celebrate this Christmas and New Year. I am living and experiencing a whole new culture and enjoying it. I was blessed to be put with such amazing housemates and wonderful American friends as well. And to still have people who love me and miss me back at home and who think about me and send me e-mails and cards and all that stuff. It's amazing. Over the past few days I have been numb and eerily alright, but the other day my mom and dad called and I broke down. Spent that day nearly sobbing all day long and not being able to stop. The the next day I was on the phone with Dustin walking around campus and nearly crying the other day, saying how people are being really supportive, but I for some reason wasn't opening up. I feel so vulnerable and just wanted someone who knew me well to be here with me and hold me. I think this vulnerability thing was making me keep to myself, but when I came home after class there was a card in front of my door. 'Ooo, Christmas card' I though. I opened it and it was a sympathy card Matt had bought and had all my housemates sign! It was so beautiful and of course I burst into tears again, but they weren't sad tears. They were grateful, happy tears. I could feel my grandfather there with me when I opened the card and hear his voice saying, 'See, it will be alright, I may be gone, but you'll be okay. Don't shut out what's around you.' I had a nice talk with some of my housemates and they keep making sure I'm alright. And part of me, the ME that usually trusts people so easily came back along with a bit more of my confidence.

I honestly don't know what I'd do if I wasn't in the house I lived in now and was somewhere else in England where my housemates weren't as amazing or wonderful. So a huge thanks to my angel or whoever is out there caring for me, you are truly appreciated with every breath I take.

Although.. right now that breath may be a bit herby, Tilly just cooked an amazing roast dinner! We had roast chicken, stir fried courgettes, steamed cabbage, roasted potatoes and parsnip, boiled carrots and home made gravy! Absolutely wonderful. Yum. So that's all for now. Gonna roll my fatty butt home soon.

Dear Grandpa

My grandfather passed away two days ago, December 8, 2002 around noon in Taiwan. I found out the afternoon of December 8th and my whole world felt like it came crashing down around me and I was going to suffocate. I knew he was getting older, his kidneys had failed a year ago and he needed dialysis every week. But people have lived years and years with their kidneys not working. But then the got sick when I came to England and my parents said he was in the hospital. Okay.. so people get sick, but they get better too. He didn't, and when my mom told me she and ALL her brothers and sisters were going back, I got this sick feeling in my stomach that something was wrong. So I wrote this letter and I painted this painting of me and my grandfather, to tell him how much I loved him and how I hoped that he was going to get better. I mailed it December 5, 2002 and I don't think it got there in time for my mother to read it to him or show him the painting. I'm sure he knew that I loved him, but it would have been nice for him to really know how I felt, because I could never tell him. My Chinese was never strong enought to say what I wanted to say and the words 'I Love You' in Chinese coming out of my mouth did not seem like enough. But since he did not get to read the letter, I will put it here to share with everyone else. My grandfather was a strong, highly respected man who touched everyone around him. Most of all he LOVED so greatly and was able to show people how to love and that was something that I will never forget...

Dear Grandpa,
I wish I had learned my Chinese better a long time ago, so that I could write this to you in Chinese or call you and tell you with my own voice how much you mean to me. No words can express how much I love, admire and respect you. You have been such a significant impact on my life every since I was little. I can still remember very vividly living in your house for two months when I was younger. I remember how much fun I had even though I missed home sometimes. I would always feel your love no matter what.
I always think of the times when the Hu family used to gather together during Christmas and summers or for special occasions. There was always this magic within our family that was born from such great love. I feel so incredibly blessed to have known such love from family and to have grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins who care so much for each other. All the memories I have of our family are always happy. Even though us cousins have gotten older, there are still those strong bonds we developed as children that will keep us forever together. My mom always says that blood is thicker than water and since she is often right, this has proven true. Especially since I am so far away from home now.
I loved the stories she would tell me about growing up. Especially how even with such a big family there was never a feeling of being left out or unloved by any of the siblings. I hear so many stories from aunts and uncles about how you raised them and loved them so well and how much they love and respect you. Mom would tell me about how you were proud of us, grandchildren, for all the accomplishments we have done in our lives. To know that I have made you proud gives me such a feeling of accomplishment and sense of self-confidence. It makes me so incredibly happy to know that I have turned out a good person because of you and because of my family – mostly because of love. Without love there is nothing and I have known great love in my life thanks to you.
There is so much I respect about you and just knowing about the things you have accomplished in your life so far is amazing. When you speak people listen and respect you so much for your opinion. I have often been asked whom do I respect and admire most in my life and often it is you I think of besides my own parents as well. I may not have understood everything when I was younger, but as I grew older and watched more, I realized just what a strong family I come from.
I hope you get well soon and know how much I love you.

Chapter 3: Silly Vicki.. Nice Guys are for other girls

Of course I have to put in a thing on men! It's me for crying out loud.. bitter single hopless romantic that I am. haha. But anyway.. can I tell you how sexy nice guys are?! They always say nice guys finish last, but that's not true! I was talking to Jane the other day and just going on and on about how great nice guys are. There's something incredibly sexy about a guy who is just genuinely nice. The way they'll notice something about you and help you out without being asked and you know it's not selfish. There are too many selfish pepole in the world, not to say that you shouldn't be at least a little bit selfish. But when someone does something nice, it shows that they're thinking about you and caring about you. It's the little things, remember you asked to borrow something or telling you about something that they remember you're interested in. Or just the fact that they're nice to everyone and notice things, it makes a person feel special. :) And it defiantely shows a lot about the character of the guy. *sigh* However I don't think it's my time to have one yet, but I'll find one... someday.

Chapter 2: 'Tis the Season to Stop Bombing

Since I've been out here I've started to get more politically active. I love it. I wish I had started sooner. Too many Americans are apathetic and take for granted the power that we have as 'free' individuals. I don't think enough people realize the impact that the US has upon the outside world and the damages being done by our country upon others. It's amazing how much one person can do and help start and motivate others to do. It's our job to educate each other on what's going on and to bring out the truth. I'm glad to be actively involved in something I truly believe in. I really had no idea what was going on outside of my little world and although my world still exists, it's growing a little bigger. I have found this thirst for knowledge about what's going on in the world. There's so much out there that does involve me and you and I'm mad at myself for not having realized it sooner. Don't throw away the power and freedoms you have, use them to help others. It's hard sometimes, to go to these talks and lectures and anti-war demonstrations and hear people not really bashing America (more so Bush), but at the same time, the US has done some pretty nasty things. We have our faults, but it's still my home, so that pretty much means I should be trying to change the things at home so the US stops being so stupid sometimes. There are the good things too about the US and I haven't forgotten them. :)

Anyways, some things you might want to look at if you have a chance: The newspaper :) (not just American ones), Stupid White Men (book by Michael Moore), Bowling for Columbine (movie by Michael Moore on American gun culture.. really really amazing film).

Okay that's it for now on politics. :)