Regrets..

Okay, so it's gotten to the point where the internal dialogue inside my head is about to kill me. Well not kill me but it's straight up bugging me like crazy. I haven't had someone occupy my thoughts in quite awhile. I'm usually just chillin' doing my own thing, no real drama in my life. Except for the occasional minor stuff that's been going on I've been relatively happy. Enjoying my singleness and just enjoying being myself.. so what the heck! I get this wrench thrown into the works and I'm sure this boy is totally chill about the whole situation and doesn't even realize what's going on anyway. Which means he probably doesn't like me. But I can't help but wonder and this uncertainty is one of the most annoying things in my life right now.

I've always told others to take the chance when they could because you could pass on something great and it's better to know than not to know.. but now that I'm in this situation I don't know if I can swallow my own pill and take my own advice. The fear of losing a friend is so great inside me and I hate weirdness. But then again.. when have I ever really taken a chance in my life? Situations have happened in my life where I have reacted or where I've spoken without thinking. And so many times these days I want to just blurt something out and it's sitting there in my throat and sometimes in my mouth but never past my lips. I just don't know what to do. Am I mistaken to take fate into my own hands and see what becomes of things?

Being the me that I am.. I have this tendency to overnanalyze every little bit of information that passes through my senses. It feels like the signals aren't there and then they are and all of it is so mixed up! How annoying! I thought I could understand men.. I can't. Because everytime I think I've got them.. someone will come along and change everything all up! Will you guys just quit it! Thank you. Anyways.. thinking of saying something next Friday.. because then there's 5 weeks of Easter break, so if all goes to hell maybe 5 weeks will fix it.. yeah? I don't want to regret something in my life.. and I'm afraid I may actually be faced with one possible regret if I stay silent...

How scary.. to know that perhaps you have control over one possible regret in your life, which may not be a regret later in life.. but whatevers. We'll see.. next Friday.. if I've sorted out my head a bit more by then..or maybe not.

I hate how pathetic I can get sometimes.. damn it.. I am me and that's all I'll ever be.