in limbo

You'd think that coming out to a whole different country and knowing that once I get home I have to enter the 'real' world would help clear up my mind as to what I want to do with me life. INSTEAD it only confuses me even more! Good grief! I knew I was going to meet new people and experience new things, but in my mind I knew that in 9 months I would be going home. I didn't think part of me would want to stay. Part of me wants to stay.. another year or something, I like it here. I have amazing people in my life that I would love to get to know better and there's this whole new opening up of ideas and thoughts and so much information to soak up. It's amazing how much thinking and change a person can go through by being 1/3 of the way around the world (did you know Japan, California, and England are the same distance apart from each other? more or less).

Getting actively involved in LIFE is wonderful. It's not to say I don't miss California and the sun and the beaches and my friends and family who know me inside and out. Because I do, I miss them like crazy and it didn't help that I was going to have to choose between Northern California and Southern California as a place to live. But chalk up one more choice.. Brighton. The other day Tilly and Noelle were telling me how they keep thinking of housing next year and who they want to live with and the one person they keep thinking of won't even be here anymore (it's me by the way.. haha). :( It makes me sooo sad, England's so far away from California. It seems no matter what happens at the end of this year, I'll be leaving someone and returning back to someone.. my whole life seems to be like that! A series of leaving and crying and loving and returning, but my heart has been split into so many pieces that are carried by people I love all over the world or even into the next (Grandpa I love you and think of you constantly).

Audrey Hepburn once said, "I was born with a terrible need for affection and a terrible need to give it."

Oh how funny life can be.