Dear Grandpa

My grandfather passed away two days ago, December 8, 2002 around noon in Taiwan. I found out the afternoon of December 8th and my whole world felt like it came crashing down around me and I was going to suffocate. I knew he was getting older, his kidneys had failed a year ago and he needed dialysis every week. But people have lived years and years with their kidneys not working. But then the got sick when I came to England and my parents said he was in the hospital. Okay.. so people get sick, but they get better too. He didn't, and when my mom told me she and ALL her brothers and sisters were going back, I got this sick feeling in my stomach that something was wrong. So I wrote this letter and I painted this painting of me and my grandfather, to tell him how much I loved him and how I hoped that he was going to get better. I mailed it December 5, 2002 and I don't think it got there in time for my mother to read it to him or show him the painting. I'm sure he knew that I loved him, but it would have been nice for him to really know how I felt, because I could never tell him. My Chinese was never strong enought to say what I wanted to say and the words 'I Love You' in Chinese coming out of my mouth did not seem like enough. But since he did not get to read the letter, I will put it here to share with everyone else. My grandfather was a strong, highly respected man who touched everyone around him. Most of all he LOVED so greatly and was able to show people how to love and that was something that I will never forget...

Dear Grandpa,
I wish I had learned my Chinese better a long time ago, so that I could write this to you in Chinese or call you and tell you with my own voice how much you mean to me. No words can express how much I love, admire and respect you. You have been such a significant impact on my life every since I was little. I can still remember very vividly living in your house for two months when I was younger. I remember how much fun I had even though I missed home sometimes. I would always feel your love no matter what.
I always think of the times when the Hu family used to gather together during Christmas and summers or for special occasions. There was always this magic within our family that was born from such great love. I feel so incredibly blessed to have known such love from family and to have grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins who care so much for each other. All the memories I have of our family are always happy. Even though us cousins have gotten older, there are still those strong bonds we developed as children that will keep us forever together. My mom always says that blood is thicker than water and since she is often right, this has proven true. Especially since I am so far away from home now.
I loved the stories she would tell me about growing up. Especially how even with such a big family there was never a feeling of being left out or unloved by any of the siblings. I hear so many stories from aunts and uncles about how you raised them and loved them so well and how much they love and respect you. Mom would tell me about how you were proud of us, grandchildren, for all the accomplishments we have done in our lives. To know that I have made you proud gives me such a feeling of accomplishment and sense of self-confidence. It makes me so incredibly happy to know that I have turned out a good person because of you and because of my family – mostly because of love. Without love there is nothing and I have known great love in my life thanks to you.
There is so much I respect about you and just knowing about the things you have accomplished in your life so far is amazing. When you speak people listen and respect you so much for your opinion. I have often been asked whom do I respect and admire most in my life and often it is you I think of besides my own parents as well. I may not have understood everything when I was younger, but as I grew older and watched more, I realized just what a strong family I come from.
I hope you get well soon and know how much I love you.