where do i go?

just when i think i've found myself and i knew what i wanted to do with my life i've gotten lost again. it always feels like i know who i am at one point, but then the next thing you know.. poof you find yourself in a place where everything is uncertain and it's like you're walking in this thick fog where you can hear familiar voices but you're just not sure which direction to head in...

going home is going to be strange, things definitely aren't going to be the same because i've changed. just becoming more politically aware has created this thirst in me to want to read hoards and hoards of books about what's going on in the middle east and the history that led up to it, what's going on in africa because no one seems to care and especially about the US. i took AP US History in high school but honestly i can't remember very much from it, except for the major events, but my dates are all screwy if i know any of the dates at all

and with all that is going on in the world it seems like sitting at home in a 9 to 5 job where i'm doing nothing to try and help seems like such a waste. it's not the 9 to 5 part that bothers me, it's the feeling like i'm doing this job for selfish reason and only money that bothers me. i have all these big plans where i would love to work for an NGO or some international organisation where i can be helping people become more self-subsistent. the peace corps is starting to sound like a good idea as a starting point, but i'm still not even sure about that

i know i have to start from the bottom no matter what and to become a major part of an international organisation you'd need a PhD.. or at least a masters.. looks like more schooling might be in my future. as for right now, i'm not sure what to do.. i can go into human resources, but i feel that taking that path won't take me to where i want to be in life. perhaps public relations or maybe a masters in public health... well we will see i better start doing some research on this stuff as well...

that's the other problem, can't really do all the reading about stuff i'm interested in coz of my papers and exams.. not that it's not interesting.. it is.. it would just be more interesting if i didn't have to do it for a dissertation or exam.. haha... funny how if it's work no matter how interested i am in a topic i still want to procrastinate doing it.. damn psyche.