peace of heart

it's almost 5 am and i'm suffering from jet lag. took a 5 hour nap today by accident and now i can't sleep. mostly because i keep thinking things. well trying to think of things anyway, so i can sort them out. but i've always been a person who felt my thoughts more than actually thought my thoughts. if that makes any sense at all. so many things are going through my mind right now that i can't even sort them out. i just feel it and it's driving me nuts. part of it is homesickness. odd considering i'm "home" in saratoga, i think it's because i'm missing souther california. it has been my home for the past four years, not just a place where i lived, but where i've "grown up" and it's where i feel most comfortable. i guess you could say my heart is there, most of it anyway.

on top of that, i'm leaving for England soon, 7 days to be exact. it's scary, i got my orientation packet today talking about welcome week at the university of sussex. i have to go through being a "freshman" all over again, normally this wouldn't scare me at all.. but having to do it in a completely new culture is a big frightening. it's exciting too though, but the excitment and fear has kind of scrambled itself all up inside me so that all i'm feeling is incredible nervousness and a pit kind of feeling in my stomach.

not all is bad though, this leaving has shown me who really does care about me and how much my friends are going to miss me and definately how much i'm going to miss them. i'm missing people already, but knowing that the love is still there keeps me strong and reminds me that i'm going to be okay. love is a wonderful thing and isn't just for couples, but between friends can produce amazing relationships. i thank the higher being for blessing me in my life with such wonderful people around me, who's little comments on AIM or a simple e-mail or phone call or text message, whatever it may be that sends their words to me warms my heart and calms my mind. :) thank goodness for loved ones.