I like shiny objects

Did I mention that before? And round ones too.. :)
Click here to see the rest of my "magical" ride through a lighted California winter wonderland.. (yes I'm being slightly sarcastic). It's the random trips that are the best.

just sit

I wish I had time this morning to find a tall parking structure and just sit and watch the sunrise. I feel like I'm always rushing somewhere or stuck inside the house and I'm missing the world moving. If you sit there and stop and think about how tiny you are compared to the piece of land you're sitting on.. it's peaceful. It's the same feeling I get when I sit on the beach and listen to the waves and think about how much water is stretched out before me and how deep it goes. How vast the sky is as it protects us from the outside.

I wish I had time this morning to just sit and watch it and think about it and have everything else go quiet. It feel peaceful.

too public?

it makes me wonder just how private our "private" lives are nowadays..

we can google each other's names.. up pop zanga's, myspace, facebook, friendster, blogger links... among other things. Published articles, forums, discussion groups.. and more.

if people know enough about me they can track their way to my hometown, find out my favorite things, even scope out pictures of my family and friends.. makes me wonder if i should start taking some of these things down. or at least not listing the links so that one can jump from one page to a blog to my photos and into my life..

then again, i've found old friends, dormmates and connected with people i once thought were lost to me. some days i still type in names of old friends to see if maybe they've popped up somewhere. usually no luck with the ones i know who never were that 'good' with computers. ah well..

then there's also the major point.. who really wants to know about me anyway besides people i already know. ;) so i suppose there's a false sense of security or i can always get software to track those who visit my pages..

haha.. goes both ways! well just in case you're bored.. www.myspace.com/jadeheart ..haha here we go!

AUGH

I need to go to the spa, everytime I come into work, I can feel it in my shoulders. The tension. It's been there for a month and I'm about to crack. Work has been so crazy and this fundraiser we're doing NEVER runs smoothly. You'd think we'd learn year after year to somehow improve it, but nope.. always goes crazy. I guess that's what happens when you're trying to manage too many groups of people, too many shifts, for a whole month straight.

I just feels like every day I've come into work and something goes wrong. And this past weekend I was getting calls all weekend! ON THE WEEKEND! argh.

Need spa.. need massage.. need rest..

On the plus side, I got my Kim Taylor Reece calendar!! Yipee. :) Gonna put it up at work, although I may have to put a stickie note over certain body parts that might occasionally pop up.

Maybe the sight of hula dancers will help keep me more calm. I miss dancing.. we're on winter break right now. :(

random thought 1.1

Does the light in the elevator turn off if no one's using it?

Strangely True..

I received this in an email from a friend:

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are
always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE......
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is
suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best
friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

Food and Memories

So most people know that smells can bring up memories so tangible you can almost see them replay in you mind. Passing smells usualy bring to my mind images of people and a moment that we shared. Well.. so does Food! I associate certain foods with certain people. I just remember yesterday at work that I had to make lumpia for a Philipino Food Potluck with my hula sisters. Now I'm not Philipino.. and lumpia is the only thing I knew how to make.. think smaller eggrolls with slightly different stuff in the middle. Well the first time I learned to make lumpia was in England with my friend Kris while we were studying abroad in England. Good times, we brought asian food into the house. So of course the moment I thought lumpia I though about Kris and man.. it's not as much fun making lumpia on your own!

But it's nice to have these memories pop up once in awhile. They're like cool surprises you get out of the day. I could be walking along and when I think of Spam.. bam Jane and Ameer pop to mind.. along with Jane comes rice, frozen veggies and banana sauce.. mmmmmmm. Then there's Arby's and I think Mike Knox. Making wontons immediate conjures up images of my younger self on a stool with my mom, folding, getting dusty, and loving the smell of the wonton wrappers.

Food feeds life. I suppose it's only natural for me to link these memories.. since food and family/friends are two things that go hand in hand in my life. It's what has always brought people together. So while I enjoy a bit of savoury or sweet I also get a flashback to good times in the past.

Yummy!

Vegas!

Some of my college girl friends every year take a trip around fall/winter time. Usually it was up to Nor Cal to see the ones who are up here. This year, we went to Vegas! :) Man.. this is the last time I take a flight after work to Vegas on Vetern's Day weekend.. it was nutso! My flight was delayed and it still took us forever to get off the ground. I was supposed to land at 9:30, I didn't get to the Monte Carlo until 11 (I didn't even have check-in luggage).

I called two of my friends who were already there, they were drunk and somewhere on the strip. :) Hilarious. I was so exhausted it took me forever to get ready (I'm getting too old for this). Finally by the time I was ready, the rest of the ladies had arrived so I figured I'd wait for them. We finally got to Club Tao at the Venetian at 12? 1? I lost track of time. More hassle, I work in non-profit and it's all about service...as most things are. And I was raised with a high expectation of customer service. After spending a week at work I just wanted to have a good time. But of course.. it's a club. The bouncers who power trip have to make you wait, I won't go into too much detail, coz it's making me irritated already.. but I almost got us in trouble without saying much at all.. we finally got in. It was a good time, we were there until about 5am, then headed back. May and I got hungry so we grabbed some food and then I tried to pass out on the floor.

I didn't sleep too well and was so exhausted the next day. After lunch at 3 at the Monte Carlo buffet I wanted to pass out. We walked all the way down to the Wynn checking out the hotels and shopped in Ceasar's and walked back. Three of the party animals, May, Sonia, and Ami dressed to go out. They're like energizer bunnies I swear! They went to Pure (I really wanted to go, but physically there was no way). I had blisters on my feet and I was ready to fall asleep anywhere. Sherwynn, Chiemi and I decided to go eat and just hang out. I couldn't handle anymore at about 3am I finally slept. Delicious sleep! Then it was wake up, pack, wake the girls up, eat McDonald's (ugh) and off to the airport. We had no problems getting taxi's the whole day.. then the day we need to get to the airport.. there's a freaking long line! I had to hussle a bit, but I made it. Phew..

Vegas felt like a single breath, in and out.

round and squishy!

squishy!!!

So most of my friends know I like round objects.. there's just something nice about them. Well let's add to the list squishy!! Okay you're probably thinking.. geez the girl's gone crazy! I have a perfectly good rational explanation for my sudden discovery in squishy things. Since part of the time I work with families with young children I naturally get a lot of toys and stuff that come into the office. Not for me to keep but to give away. Well one day I got a small, sample tub of Play-Doh. Now I haven't touched Play-Doh in I don't know long. I put it on my desk thinking if I'm ever working with a client the child could sit there and play with it. Well today I got bored and pick up the container and opened it. Inside was a perfect piece of orange Play-Doh, untouched and untarnished. Do you ever remember how nasty Play-Doh could get in school with all those oily, dirty hands and carpet dirt and fibers getting into it? Well this was brand new pristine. So I did what anyone would do, poked it with my finger.

And lo and behold! My mind was remember the hours of fun I'd have just squishing it. It's purposely putting elmer's glue on your fingers and waiting for it to dry to pull it off piece by piece. I managed to pull the Play-Doh out of the container after having it get stuck under my nails (not a problem when I was a kid..) and I had this silly grin on my face. Squishy things are great! If you think about it, it's like kitten's paws (they remind me of little grapes), grapes themselves, stress balls (not nearly as much fun as Play-Doh), those pillows you can get at Sharper Image. It's great! You should try it, when you're stressed out, get some Play-Doh and just mess around. Plus it's easy to clean up and in a small container no one will notice it. ;)

between two worlds

I was driving to work yesterday morning and when I left my house it was foggy, slightly dark and gloomy. As I turned onto the main cross street and looked forward, this beautiful sight blew me away. It felt like I was caught in between two worlds. Behind me was the fog and gloom, with a purple/pink sky and ahead of me was this warm yellow with hints of blue sky peaking around the sunlight. For a moment it felt like dawn and sunset all at once.

That's one of my favorite times of time, where the sky is changing and it feels as if two worlds are merging and changing over. That time of day where night and day are existing at the same moment.

widgets!

I am definitely getting sucked into Apple mania. They've really gotten good at what they do. And now that I've been able to upgrade to Tiger OS X I get widgets! Yahoo! If anyone knows of good widgets, let me know!

what's the deal with height?

You can now predict your babies height within 2-2.5" thanks to the advances in medicine. The College of Kinesiology have even developed an online tool to help parents. I wonder what's changed? Doctors were predicted babies height way before now!

When I was born, the doctor predicted that I would be 5'9". At least this is what my mother told me in high school. I thought, great.. well where's my other four inches? At that time I was almost 18, so I figured I was pretty much done growing. I would be at my 5'4" stature and that was it. Within the next four years I received an extra inch, hooray! I don't know why I wanted to be taller, it didn't seem to make a big difference, I just wanted it. And here's the creepy thing, I went with my mom to her herbal doctor and after he finished checking up with her, he took a lot at me. He pulled my lower eyelids down and said to my mom, "Why isn't she 5'9"?" Great. I'm not even meeting the goals set forth by my own body!? What the heck!

Anyway, so it got me thinking. Height always seems like such a big deal, almost everyone wants to be a little bit taller. My mother was 5'7" and my father is 5'5", you think I'd ignore height as a factor in physical attractivness then, right? Wrong.. I still like my men tall. Tall men who can wrap their arms around me and make me feel safe. Not that I don't feel safe with my dad, he's like a round bull dog (better looking of course). It's not to say I'm not attracted to short men. I've liked shorter guys or guys who were my height or just a little bit taller, they were all cute and their personalities just drew me in. It's just that height adds extra bonus points I guess.. can't help it. Everyone's a little bit shallow, like ugly teeth.. I can't stand that.

Even in myself, I still wish I was little bit taller. My mom always said 5'7" or 5'8" would have been good, then she'd always tack on, "Buying clothes would be easier". Don't ask me why buying clothes would be easier if I was taller.. I mean I'm average for women and compared to some asian women, I'm tall. I guess there's no getting around it, I'm not growing anymore anyway. I can stretch all I want, eat chicken soup til it comes out of my ears, but for this lifetime I am 5'5" and loving it. Maybe I can credit the missing inches to my future children..I'll just hope my mother's genetics kick in in them then. ;)

love is cooking for another

Food is a huge part of my life.. when I want to get together with someone(s) I usually always suggest dinner, coffee, smoothie, donut, some form of food. It's just nice to share a meal. There's is something that makes a person feel connected to another when sharing a meal. I could go into this in more depth, but it ruins the fun of it. :) Food is great in general, but even better when you have someone to share it with. Especially when it's made with love... and behold! The cooking male.. a rarity in this world. Quite often you see them prowling about or sitting on the couc

h in front of a sports game. But occasionally if you are patient they surprise you and cook you breakfast. :)

i'm in love again!

The RA's had a reunion this past weekend in LA and they all went out to dinner.. unfortunately I couldn't make it. :( So sad. I did see a picture of them though and my goodness if that isn't a fine looking group of people! Roowwrrrrr. I love seeing pictures of them because it reminds me of how much love I have for family and friends. They are absolutely amazing, that year was incredibly. These 19 individuals impacted my life in a way that I will never forget and created memories that will always bring a smile to my face even in the worst of times. They were my support and my family and I fell in crazy love with them. I know how lucky I am to have such great friends and even when I can't be with them, I still feel their spirit surrounding me and lifting me up always. Find the incredible people in your life and don't let them go. :) Even from so far away, just seeing a picture of them lifts my spirits and makes my day so much brighter.

Now I'm just waiting for the next wedding to bring us all together again and I heard a few of them are engaged. ;)

$$$$$$..*poof*

It's like early Christmas for myself! :P I know I should have, but I did. I found my snowboard. I wrote to hammersnowboards.com a few months ago and gave up the cause. When out of the blue.. I received an email with a website to where I could buy it! I open up the website.. it's in German.. great.. but wait! There's an english version.. and the snowboard is 50 Euros off and it comes with a free snowboard bag! I'm in! It finally arrived today and I'm totally excited. I'm actually looking forward to the cold weather now coz I've got a new toy!!

Not to mention my other new toy. My brand new Trek Mountain bike. Wooweeeeeee (so I gave up on the snowboard and found another hobby). I was using an old bike we had in the garage. It wasn't the most attractive thing, imagine a purple frame with a flame design on it and tires that are black with two red stripes on the outside and hot yellow highlighter colored splash cards.. not pretty. My new Trek.. much prettier.. see, black and red and wonderful. I never realized how much the frame could matter. My posture is better and I don't tire as easily on this new bike. So I just had to share my joy! But no more big purchases.. at least not until January.. minus Christmas presents for family and friends of course. :)

spirit of hula

My kumu just combine the intermediate wahine (my class) with the advanced wahine and now we dance every Thursday from 7-9pm. Last night was the first time we did this and it was amazing! There was a fire in the class and things just felt good. It was great to feel all this aloha and hula energy in the room. All I've learned so far are kahiko's (tradition hula dance). This is a dance done to chanters using traditional hawaiian instruments. But last night he started our first auwana! Auwana is "modern" hula, a combination of traditional hula with Western influence in the music. So it can be danced to pretty much any song.

Anyway.. yay for hula! :)

Chomping in the Big Apple

I just got back from a vacation in New York City.. and all I did was eat! :) It was fantastic. Well eat and walk around. So I know you're all incredibly interested in what I ate and did in between eating..

Day 1 - leave SFO at 4:00pm on Friday, on-time.. yahoo! Watched "The Longest Yard" on the airplane, amusing movie. Did I mention it sucks to be in economy and not have your own personal TV? yes.. yes it does. I arrived at JFK at 12:30am Saturnday morning.. call the Super Shuttle people and guess what happens.. so this guy shows up and I noticed there were two shuttles outside. The guy sends the other shuttle away (I'm assuming) and calls me to come out. He asks if I'm Samantha.. "Uh.. no I'm Victoria, but there's another girl inside.." (who apparently was Samantha). He asks where I'm going I say Roosevelt Island (it's an island between Manhattan and Queens). So he tells me he's not going there, but to get in anyway and he'll drive me to another van (this is where I think he sent MY van away.. idiot!). Well.. everyone looks pretty grumpy in the van already, it's stuffed, he drives all the way around the terminal.. stopping at a green light to look at his cell phone.. running a red light for no reason and drops me back off at the same freaking terminal. I'm pissed.. what a waste of 10 minutes! Tells me ot call the office again.. which I do, it's already 1AM.. they tell me to take a taxi and mail them the receipt and they'll refund me. Okay no problem.. I go out to look for a taxi and there's none around. This guy near the taxi stand asks if I'm looking for a taxi and where I'm going. Roosevelt Island I say, he says, $40 and I can give you a receipt. Yahoo! I get in and as we start moving I'm thinking.. wait a minute.. crap. I'm in an unmarked car, it's a "taxi service", but of course he's not a licensed private taxi person because he's done a bit of time and has a few marks on his record.. great I'm going to die before I even get to Kris' place. So I'm keeping myself alert, looking at the street signs to make sure he's not taking me somewhere to mug, rape, or kill me.. And this whole time he's talking about politics! We covered the Port Authority, Bush, Clinton, NY's troubled times with racial politics, the mayor, Palestine, his favorite Chinese food place, and where he gets his haircut now that he's had a falling out with his old barber. I don't even bother arguing with any of it, just listen to his rambling for 45 minutes and lo and behold I'm there! Yes, still alive, thank goodness. He scrawls a receipt on the back of his card and hands it to me.. guess what it says:

Cousin Vinny
Airport Car Service
###-###-####

Classic!! At least I'm there finally.. Kris and I end up staying up until 5 talking anyway. Good times.

Day 2 - Saturday

We wake up around 10, I think.. and decide to go shopping. *grin* you know me.. I loves to shop. First store, Urban Outfitters (btw I love love love the NY subway system.. so efficient.. beautiful)..we try on hates and accessories. I realized I look stupid in most hats, except for beanies. Although with my short hair now, I look more like a boy with a hat on then ever. "Can I take you somewhere sir?" - fake newsie accent. Kris gets these really cute fingerless gloves, I wanted some, but hello California.. not necessary. It's about 3pm and we're hungry now, we pass by Gray's Papaya but the line is so long. Next stop a quick walk by Times Sqaure during the day, overrated and then off to Kangol (my co-worker wanted a hat). We try on more hats, both deciding the newsboy/taxi driver hats look horrible on us. The guy at the store was really weird too, he was 50, looked young far away but old up close. The other girl in the store looked like she hated working with him. He kept asking us weird questions.. anyway, I pick out a hat and then it's off to lunch. We find this nice cafe place that reminds us of Europe and chomp away. I noticed there's lots of places in NY that serve breakfast at all hours and serve a mimosa or some other alocholic drink as part of the meal.. interesting. After lunch at 3pm.. we head to H&M. Talk about crazy! It was a weekend and there were clothes everywhere, it made me not really want to shop. I did get a cute, bat-wing looking sweater and a dark brown blazer. There was this adorable black blazer made out of cable sweater material, but they didn't have any in my size. boo.. I hate wearing blazers and jackets usually, but if it feels like a sweater, I'm in love!

It's getting kinda late and we're both so tired, so we head back to her place. Dinner at Trellis on the island. It was actually pretty good! I had a Chicken Sulvaki.. yuuuuuummmmmm. She had cheesecake with no crust. Back to her apartment, chatting away and then bedtime.

Day 3 - Sunday

I got to church with her. It was pretty interesting, but I started yawning anyway. The pastor is also a professor so it didn't sound as much like preaching as it did like a lecture/talk. I realized I kinda liked it, but I don't know if it's for me. I loved the diversity though. There were so many different people there. After church it was time to eat again! We went to meet up with her friends and went for Mexican Brunch.. so I'm pretty open to anything, but I'm thinking it's going to be burritos from a hole in the wall place. We ended up at Dos Caminos, a beautifully decorated restaurant with live music and warm, earthy decor. The food.. amazing! Served with alcohol of course, but I had orange juice. We had fresh guacamole made at the table, then I had banana and pecan pancakes with pecan syrup and butter.

Kris had chorizo with eggs, black beans and tortiallas. We shared.. I LOVE FOOD! I also got to try her friends tortilla casserole and salmon/avocado benedict on cornbread. Yuuuummmy. Then we went off to Chinatown to walk off our food. Her roommate got some huge pieces of chicken for $1.29!! That much chicken in a store would cost $5-6. I was amazed. Then back home. I know I haven't done much sightseeing, but I've been there before and my parents dragged me EVERYWHERE. We ordered Thai food and just hung out for the evening.

Day 3 - Monday

I was on my own since she was in class. So following the advice of my friend I went to Century 21, a discount clothing department store. I took the subway down there, somehow mixed up where to change trains and ended up walking 20 blocks to get there. It's all good though, I got to walk around Greenich Village and SOHO area and then came upon all the "official" buildings like City Hall, etc. I was close to site of the former world trade towers, but didn't feel up to going. So I finally found my way over there and wasn't in the mood to shop. But it was fun looking at all the designer clothes on "sale".. Pucci, D&G, Roberto Cavalli, etc. It was kinda sad though, to see them tied to the racks, a $1000 dress going for $600 tied to a rack..*sigh*. I looked for some Missoni, but they didn't have any and I was getting dizzy from all the clothes. I took the train back up to where SUNY optometry was and met Kris for a "drink". We watched the Yankee's rally in Bryant Park across the street from her school. It was funny, guys in suits shouting and cheering. There was one guy, really gorgeous body, just sun tanning in the middle of the grass. He took of his shirt, pulled one of the green chairs to the lawn, sat there and just napped. I guess this is how New Yorkers tan.

Wandered around some more, went to Midtown, lots of shopping. I did a lot of window shopping, tried some stuff on, didn't really feel like buying anything. Came upon a few other H&M's and got another top. Finally my feet were about to give and all I had to eat was a granola bar and a banana, hopped in a McDonald's got myself a Fish Filet (in memory of my mother.. it was 2 years to the day October 3, 2003 when she passed.. she loved Fish Filets for some reason) and parked my butt in a park to just relax and reflect. I was watching a squirrel try to find a spot to bury his nut.. and it dawned on me, that the only place to 'get away' in the city was the park. And that this squirrel probably knows nothing else except his park, he'd get sqashed the moment he left. Second thought was.. how did they get there in the first place..

5:30 rolled around and I met Kris back at her school and we headed home. Dinner time came and we went over to the Kebab King in Queens.. delicious. We had Tikka Marsala, Kebab, and one more.. it was a red looking chicken but oooo so yummy. With naan of course. We had to roll ourselves home we were so stuffed.

Day 4 - Tuesday

My last day! We were so lazy, and it was all gloomy.. until we decided to go outside. Then it totally cleared up, as if it knew we were heading out. My friend gave me a list of things I should eat, so today was the day to do it. We took the tram over to Manhattan instead of the Subway, really pretty. First stop, the Buttercup Bake Shop for Red Velvet Cupcakes.. oh all the cupcakes they had in there.. looked so beautiful. I could feel the sweetness penetrating the enamel on my teeth. After one cupcake each we headed to Gray's Papaya.. yahoo! Hot dog time! I got two hot dogs and drenched them in Ketchup (yes I'm californian) and a Banana daiquiri (virgin). Delicious. Subway to Central Park and we layed out for an hour, watching the horses go by and listening to the sounds of cars whizzing past and watched the couple to our right get all cuddly, while two guys in business suits sat on newspapers to keep themselves clean, and another bloke to the left slept with his pimp hat over his face.

Then it's off to SUNY Optometry again, I told Kris I'd let her practice on me. Their teachers decided to come in on the holiday and help them out. I let them shine a light in my eye.. over and over again. It was funny and I actually learned a little bit. Then Kris practiced that too and did the whole drops in the eye to check something else. I forgot what it was called.. (HERE'S A DISCLAIMER: if you're sensitive about your eyes, skip the next paragraph) I don't think the optometrists ever told you this.. when they put the drops in your eye and you look at the blue light, they actually TOUCH your eye! The drops are there to numb it so you don't feel it. It still didn't hurt, but it definitely felt weirder now that I was aware of this.

We were in there for two hours before we finished. Just in time for dinner! We decided on hamburgers and her roommate Hang said there was a good place in downtown. Back on the subway and to the Corner Bistro. There was a long line though, so we waited, and waited, and half an hour later were seated and another 15 minutes later these giant hamburgers with cheese and bacon was layed before us. Sooo good, don't forget the fries! After we finished it was time for dessert. So off to Cafe Lalo, remember that cafe in "You've Got Mail", where she's waiting for him with a book and a rose and he realizes the girl is his rival? Yeah we went there. It's a lot brighter and they definite cram more people into that place than it looked in the movie. The desserts aren't bad, but I didn't think they were exceptional, although there sure were a lot.. the pictures is of Kris in front of the case of desserts. Then again, when you've had tiramisu made from scratch in Florence nothing's as good anymore.

We got home around midnight and I was exhausted. All this walking around has left my calves aching every night. So I re-pack everything and set my alarm as tomorrow is leaving day. :(

Day 5 - Wednesday

Stupid stupid stupid me.. my cell phone was set to silent.. so the dumb phone rings silently... luckily I've already checked-in online because I wake up at 9:30, we're supposed to be out the door at 9:40. I wake Kris up and we get dressed and scrambled outside, just in time to find the bus coming around the corner. We get lucky, instead of having to walk 10 minutes to the subway station we bus it for a quarter. hehe. She leaves me at the train shuttle to the airport and we say our good byes. *sniff* My flights are all on-time thankfully and off I go. Eating more crappy airplane food while trying to watch Batman Begins on the tiny screens. I swear the food was the same.. only instead of lasanga I had ravioli (tasted the same). I did finish my book finally.. I've been trying to read the Rape of Nanking for the last three weeks. Finished the last 85% on the flight home. Transfer in LA for SF to arrive exactly on the dot at 4:54 as they said.

So that's it, my brief NY vacation and I'm back in California. I feel like I've been gone awhile, but really it's only been four whole days. Back to the same ol' routine I guess. Although I just found out one of my housemates from England is going to work in Argentina, in fact he's already there! I wonder how much flights are to Buenos Aires..

re-inking a fading tatoo

*GASP* you know that sound that people make when they come up for air and desperate need it? that sound feels like it's sitting deep inside my chest and echos in my ears lately. it's been almost two years and it feels like forever since she left us. for some reason as i get closer to the two year anniversary (if you can call it that) i have this desperate feeling that passes through me. i'm afraid i'll forget what she was like... her hugs and kisses, the sound of her voice, our talks, her teaching me how to cook (over the phone usually), just everything. i feel like i need to go through every memory of her that i have in my head like i'm trying to re-ink a fading tatoo.

i don't want to forget anything because this is all i have left. but i desperately want to see her now, to smell her, hug her, hold her and love her. i want to be able to ask her what to do now and to be able to ask those questions in the future when i need too. i want to be able to make new memories but i can't and it feels like i'm gasping for air trying to feel her again.

i don't want to forget her and it feels like so much time has passed.. i don't ever want to forget any of it, but there's this fear that her presence will fade and i will forget as more time passes.. how do you hold on and let go at the same time?

how to make..

How to make a jadeheart

Ingredients: 1 part friendliness 5 parts courage 5 parts empathy

Method: Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Top it off with a sprinkle of lustfulness and enjoy!

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com