self-analyzing culture

I know culture affects who we are and who we become, it is both a cause, catalyst, and a result. One could mix in up-brining with culture, but techically, you can lump all of it together into one thing, you.

We joke, we mimic, and mock or pride ourselves in who we are and where our background comes from. Look at Margaret Cho, Russell Peters, Chris Rock... our ethnicity, our race, and our stereotypes make us laugh. Why? Because half the time it's true, you get it. You hear your mother's voice in Margaret's. Those How Do You Know if Your Asian lists?.. At least 90% of that list pertains to my family.. mother had short, permed curly hair, shoes at the door, played an instrument, the list goes on.

What isn't quite so obvious, but has recently over the past few years presented itself in a more personal and tangible way is how my culture "dictates" the way I react to certain situations.

1) Guilt.. oh boy, I could write a whole book on how my life seems to be lived in guilt. I don't know if this is a predominately Chinese feature, or a result of my Chinese American upbringing. The sense to honor our parents and make them proud can also lead to feelings of guilt for me. The American side says, be more independent, you don't owe anything to anyone but yourself (not that I really believe that, but the thought is there). The Chinese side says don't make waves, accept, roll with it and do better for my family and community. What elders say goes.

2) Don't cause trouble, falls in line with listen to your elders, don't ask too many questions. Does this mean when I get older I get to tell younger people that? But then if we're raised not to do that, how do we know when we get to have that 'privilege'. I guess it just happens, coz one day you start to realize you're turning into your parents.. not always a bad thing, not always a good thing.

Anyway, so my situation as of late: miscommunication with a co-worker leading to my unhappiness at work and wanting to leave. Not that I would, I have a responsibility to our clients and anyone else leaving the agency right now would just not be a good thing. But yeah, back to miscommunication, I think sometimse she expresses herself in the wrong way and I interpret it differently. Either way it had led to mistrust and frustration on my part. As much as I know I should 'confront' someone when I"m feeling this way, it's difficult being I never do stuff like that. Most of the time I'm so easy going I'll roll with it, or deal with it in a way where confrontation becomes unecessary. I don't say I ignore it (sometimes I do), but there are ways to say things or actions that can be taken to reach a compromise. There was no way around it this time, I had to talk with her. I've always known miscommunication generally leads to negative feelings, but while you're feeling them it can be hard to see clearly. Talking it out with the ED helped me realize just what I was feeling and why and what I needed from my co-worker to help me better understand the situation. Hopefully this will all work out, I've already talked to her and it was a good talk.. we'll see what happens. At least now I know what I need in terms of communication with people and I think this has helped me sort some stuff out about myself.

I strongly value honesty above all else, never lie to me because finding out the truth later hurts much more. One can never fault someone for being honest at least about important things. :)