Photoshop and Shopping Fun!

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death

the end is silent, even if it was violent or gentle.. it's still silent when it's done.

the pain though, everything that the living have to suffer after that, the anger, the torture, the loss, the tears, did i mention anger?

all of it.. not silent. they say time heals, but time is a human design, ticks on a watch.. no matter how much time passes, death can still tear fresh wounds in scars that heal over and over.

when do you let go?

and how do you let go?

confessions of a shopaholic pt.1

I admit it, I’m a mild shopaholic… what does this mean? Well I almost can’t control the impulse to buy things, but I’m not in debt yet and still able to save some money. It also means I have more clothes that I need in my closet and more shoes that I need… but hey.. it’s about choices right? I guess it can mean trouble if I have to plan out what to wear. :P

But there’s something slightly blissful about shopping. Especially when you find the right piece, whether it’s a top, pair of a jeans, a comfy sweater, beautiful shoes or cute accessories. There’s something about shopping that just makes me happy. It’s not just the purchasing part, it’s the whole hunt. It starts with an idea, flipping through magazines, watching tv, people watching or just an idea in the head. Something will pop up and then comes the hunt for that perfect piece that sits in my head. If I finally find it and then you price shop and compare (the internet makes this a lot easier). When I decide I really want it (sometimes this decision takes a few seconds only) and complete the purchase it sends little happy feelings throughout my body. I love it! I love the way wearing clothes and shoes makes me feel. It’s not about anyone else but me and my self expression. Sometimes it’s about that perfect gift for a friend. Same feeling of being able to match something with someone’s expression of themselves. I have to admit, my biggest weaknesses right now are shoes and sweaters. I just have to keep in mind that although it might look good on me, is it my style and do I really want it?

I would love to own my own clothing boutique!

shooz!

Why most shoe salespeole are men. What do most men know about shoes anyway? And do they even pay attention to shoes? My boyfriend notices when i have on something new, which is nice, but usually the next question is, 'how much did it cost?'

I think I’d rather have a sales person who knew a thing or two about shoes and loved shoes to be my salesperson. Then they can tell me what they think about styles, fit, comfort, color, etc. Most sales people are there just trying to make commission. A friend of mine was shoe shopping and asked this guy to get her a size, she waited about 20 minutes and he still hadn't come back yet. So she asked another guy to get her the size, that guy gets back faster with the shoe and the other one finally shows up. And What happens? The first sales guy almost yells at her for asking someone else to get her the shoe. I mean come on!! Whatever happened to customer service? (By the way this was at the macy's at valley fair.) He said, 'we make most of our money on comission, and you shouldn't be asking two different people to get the same shoe for you.' Last I heard.. in the mall, the customer is usually always right. What an ass.. I bet he's a lousy shoe salesman.

it's the little things...

So I've been stressed for awhile, you can tell by the time between my posts. Not that I always post regularly, but this time it really was because I was busy. At first it was good busy.. now it's the busy that's making me feel fatigued and stressed and sick and pushing me to the edges of my sanity. These last few weeks have just been exhausting and so many things have been tipping me over the edge and yet somehow I manage to get back on solid ground.. sort of.

Yesterday I had meetings.. all day long. Physically, emotionally, and mentally draining meetings. I also ended up making a stupid mistake that had I checked my voicemail could have been avoided.. not anyone's fault, just happened. But!! It was a a tiny gesture from my boyfriend that managed to soothe the horrendous feeling of the day and make things better.

I was telling him how stressed out I was and just how everything felt so crappy. When I picked him up he had a surprise for me. He had been walking by a stand and saw these flowers and decided to buy 2 beautiful gerber daisies (he thought they were sunflowers - "because I light up his life" - yes feel free to gag).

They're sitting on my desk now, making me happy and lighting up my life. :)

stress

it's all i've felt in the last two weeks.. my ear ache doesn't help and i'm grumpy.

Fw: hot or not?

look what I got!

--jadeheart

i like round things

one christmas eve

i want to have a house big enough to fill my family and friends comfortably and have them all there. to hear the jostling and welcoming of bodies from all over. to see my cousins who will possibly be married then come with their spouses, arms overflowing with food, presents, and jackets.. the laughter of little ones from those who've had children. seeing my dad, aunts, uncles, and other elders gathered drinking XO and wine and laughing and talking. there will be a fire roaring in the fire place, while the living room smells like pine needles from the fully decorated tree which is strung with multi colored lights, ornaments, and cheesy ornaments made by my kids. i'll smell like food from having cooked all day long. we'll all sit down at the tables, the kids in the other room with their kids table. my cousins will laugh and someone will tell a story about the kids table and when we used to sit there. stories will fly around about the past and about the future. funny stories about our kids, about when we were kids from our parents and stories from our parents about when they were kids. Food and drink will be overflowing the table and i'll look around and finally feel like it's Christmas again and look up and thank God for having given me my mother for as long as he did and giving me a wonderful childhood so that i know i have something to look forward to. that even though she's gone and these christmas' feel slightly off.. one christmas eve it will be full again. she will always be missed and loved forever. mom you did a great job. we miss and love you always.

merry christmas everyone! hang on to who you have and remember those who've left. remember the love they left and that still exists and have a wonderful holiday season. i hope it's merry and bright!

I like shiny objects

Did I mention that before? And round ones too.. :)
Click here to see the rest of my "magical" ride through a lighted California winter wonderland.. (yes I'm being slightly sarcastic). It's the random trips that are the best.

just sit

I wish I had time this morning to find a tall parking structure and just sit and watch the sunrise. I feel like I'm always rushing somewhere or stuck inside the house and I'm missing the world moving. If you sit there and stop and think about how tiny you are compared to the piece of land you're sitting on.. it's peaceful. It's the same feeling I get when I sit on the beach and listen to the waves and think about how much water is stretched out before me and how deep it goes. How vast the sky is as it protects us from the outside.

I wish I had time this morning to just sit and watch it and think about it and have everything else go quiet. It feel peaceful.

too public?

it makes me wonder just how private our "private" lives are nowadays..

we can google each other's names.. up pop zanga's, myspace, facebook, friendster, blogger links... among other things. Published articles, forums, discussion groups.. and more.

if people know enough about me they can track their way to my hometown, find out my favorite things, even scope out pictures of my family and friends.. makes me wonder if i should start taking some of these things down. or at least not listing the links so that one can jump from one page to a blog to my photos and into my life..

then again, i've found old friends, dormmates and connected with people i once thought were lost to me. some days i still type in names of old friends to see if maybe they've popped up somewhere. usually no luck with the ones i know who never were that 'good' with computers. ah well..

then there's also the major point.. who really wants to know about me anyway besides people i already know. ;) so i suppose there's a false sense of security or i can always get software to track those who visit my pages..

haha.. goes both ways! well just in case you're bored.. www.myspace.com/jadeheart ..haha here we go!

AUGH

I need to go to the spa, everytime I come into work, I can feel it in my shoulders. The tension. It's been there for a month and I'm about to crack. Work has been so crazy and this fundraiser we're doing NEVER runs smoothly. You'd think we'd learn year after year to somehow improve it, but nope.. always goes crazy. I guess that's what happens when you're trying to manage too many groups of people, too many shifts, for a whole month straight.

I just feels like every day I've come into work and something goes wrong. And this past weekend I was getting calls all weekend! ON THE WEEKEND! argh.

Need spa.. need massage.. need rest..

On the plus side, I got my Kim Taylor Reece calendar!! Yipee. :) Gonna put it up at work, although I may have to put a stickie note over certain body parts that might occasionally pop up.

Maybe the sight of hula dancers will help keep me more calm. I miss dancing.. we're on winter break right now. :(

random thought 1.1

Does the light in the elevator turn off if no one's using it?

Strangely True..

I received this in an email from a friend:

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are
always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE......
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is
suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best
friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

Food and Memories

So most people know that smells can bring up memories so tangible you can almost see them replay in you mind. Passing smells usualy bring to my mind images of people and a moment that we shared. Well.. so does Food! I associate certain foods with certain people. I just remember yesterday at work that I had to make lumpia for a Philipino Food Potluck with my hula sisters. Now I'm not Philipino.. and lumpia is the only thing I knew how to make.. think smaller eggrolls with slightly different stuff in the middle. Well the first time I learned to make lumpia was in England with my friend Kris while we were studying abroad in England. Good times, we brought asian food into the house. So of course the moment I thought lumpia I though about Kris and man.. it's not as much fun making lumpia on your own!

But it's nice to have these memories pop up once in awhile. They're like cool surprises you get out of the day. I could be walking along and when I think of Spam.. bam Jane and Ameer pop to mind.. along with Jane comes rice, frozen veggies and banana sauce.. mmmmmmm. Then there's Arby's and I think Mike Knox. Making wontons immediate conjures up images of my younger self on a stool with my mom, folding, getting dusty, and loving the smell of the wonton wrappers.

Food feeds life. I suppose it's only natural for me to link these memories.. since food and family/friends are two things that go hand in hand in my life. It's what has always brought people together. So while I enjoy a bit of savoury or sweet I also get a flashback to good times in the past.

Yummy!

Vegas!

Some of my college girl friends every year take a trip around fall/winter time. Usually it was up to Nor Cal to see the ones who are up here. This year, we went to Vegas! :) Man.. this is the last time I take a flight after work to Vegas on Vetern's Day weekend.. it was nutso! My flight was delayed and it still took us forever to get off the ground. I was supposed to land at 9:30, I didn't get to the Monte Carlo until 11 (I didn't even have check-in luggage).

I called two of my friends who were already there, they were drunk and somewhere on the strip. :) Hilarious. I was so exhausted it took me forever to get ready (I'm getting too old for this). Finally by the time I was ready, the rest of the ladies had arrived so I figured I'd wait for them. We finally got to Club Tao at the Venetian at 12? 1? I lost track of time. More hassle, I work in non-profit and it's all about service...as most things are. And I was raised with a high expectation of customer service. After spending a week at work I just wanted to have a good time. But of course.. it's a club. The bouncers who power trip have to make you wait, I won't go into too much detail, coz it's making me irritated already.. but I almost got us in trouble without saying much at all.. we finally got in. It was a good time, we were there until about 5am, then headed back. May and I got hungry so we grabbed some food and then I tried to pass out on the floor.

I didn't sleep too well and was so exhausted the next day. After lunch at 3 at the Monte Carlo buffet I wanted to pass out. We walked all the way down to the Wynn checking out the hotels and shopped in Ceasar's and walked back. Three of the party animals, May, Sonia, and Ami dressed to go out. They're like energizer bunnies I swear! They went to Pure (I really wanted to go, but physically there was no way). I had blisters on my feet and I was ready to fall asleep anywhere. Sherwynn, Chiemi and I decided to go eat and just hang out. I couldn't handle anymore at about 3am I finally slept. Delicious sleep! Then it was wake up, pack, wake the girls up, eat McDonald's (ugh) and off to the airport. We had no problems getting taxi's the whole day.. then the day we need to get to the airport.. there's a freaking long line! I had to hussle a bit, but I made it. Phew..

Vegas felt like a single breath, in and out.

round and squishy!

squishy!!!

So most of my friends know I like round objects.. there's just something nice about them. Well let's add to the list squishy!! Okay you're probably thinking.. geez the girl's gone crazy! I have a perfectly good rational explanation for my sudden discovery in squishy things. Since part of the time I work with families with young children I naturally get a lot of toys and stuff that come into the office. Not for me to keep but to give away. Well one day I got a small, sample tub of Play-Doh. Now I haven't touched Play-Doh in I don't know long. I put it on my desk thinking if I'm ever working with a client the child could sit there and play with it. Well today I got bored and pick up the container and opened it. Inside was a perfect piece of orange Play-Doh, untouched and untarnished. Do you ever remember how nasty Play-Doh could get in school with all those oily, dirty hands and carpet dirt and fibers getting into it? Well this was brand new pristine. So I did what anyone would do, poked it with my finger.

And lo and behold! My mind was remember the hours of fun I'd have just squishing it. It's purposely putting elmer's glue on your fingers and waiting for it to dry to pull it off piece by piece. I managed to pull the Play-Doh out of the container after having it get stuck under my nails (not a problem when I was a kid..) and I had this silly grin on my face. Squishy things are great! If you think about it, it's like kitten's paws (they remind me of little grapes), grapes themselves, stress balls (not nearly as much fun as Play-Doh), those pillows you can get at Sharper Image. It's great! You should try it, when you're stressed out, get some Play-Doh and just mess around. Plus it's easy to clean up and in a small container no one will notice it. ;)

between two worlds

I was driving to work yesterday morning and when I left my house it was foggy, slightly dark and gloomy. As I turned onto the main cross street and looked forward, this beautiful sight blew me away. It felt like I was caught in between two worlds. Behind me was the fog and gloom, with a purple/pink sky and ahead of me was this warm yellow with hints of blue sky peaking around the sunlight. For a moment it felt like dawn and sunset all at once.

That's one of my favorite times of time, where the sky is changing and it feels as if two worlds are merging and changing over. That time of day where night and day are existing at the same moment.