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Oh Myyy! Social Media

I've been reading George Takei's book "Oh Myyy" and it's very clever, funny and insightful.  He describes his journey into social media from Twitter to Facebook and the impact he's made as well as his take on it.

How sharing and liking a post on facebook, means a lot more than just wanting your "friends" to see it. But it runs deeper than that, it shares a part of you, something you want people to know about yourself, your life, and how you think.  Being naturally social creatures, these forums and the attention we receive from them has changed how we display our lives.


This got me thinking about my own posts and feelings when others post.  It makes me jealous to see certain posts on people's pages as I'm sure some of mine elicits that reaction in others.  But then I think we need to examine why we feel certain emotions from others posts, because if you don't care at all then that feeling won't even be a factor.  For example I ask myself am I jealous because I want to live that "life" too and if that's the case why am I not?

What can I do to get there? Would it really make me happier?

I will still continue to post my photos of food and the beach and surfing and my dog because those are things I love and want people to know about me.  It has also made my friends think about me enough to send me messages, leading me to new products and places to visit to SUP/surf, new articles to read, new connections with people in the HR and org development world, etc.

And if anyone really wants to know why I live my life the way I do now?  Because its too short, because when I lost my mom at 23 I learned something about how I wanted to live my life, how much I wanted to love people and what I do and what I really needed to get rid of and stop caring about.  For me to have meaning in my life it involves creating connections and to share and find information on things I love to do.

In comparison the 80-90ish years we will live are a small nick in the timeline of the world, we have to make it mean something to us.

i love the outdoors!

i see waves and i crave to surf them.  i see rocks and i itch to climb them.

the list

some friends of mine tell me i'm too picky, to forget about the list...

you know that list of qualities you'd love your ideal partner to have.  i happen to like my list and won't give up on it, because i also believe that once i find the right person the list won't really matter anymore.

chemistry can't be faked, if it's there it's there.  if it's not, move on.

if i weren't doing what i do now

i'd have a floral shop that was half a cafe that served teas, coffee, cheese, meats, crackers and other tiny snackable things.

sometimes i wonder what it would have been like, had she not passed away.  where my life would be right now.  at the same time, i am thankful for all the amazing people i have met because of where life has led me.

#oceanthoughts

i think i've spent my whole life sitting on beaches staring at the ocean feeling drawn to it not realizing i wanted to be in it and now that i am i never want to leave.

Paddling with someone who attracts you in some way 

is like feeling the poles of energy that govern the universe. 

                        - Everpaddle SUP

here comes that ___________ feeling....

one summer, out of the blue my heart jump started and i realized i had a crush!  reminded me of how long it had been since i had felt that way about anyone.  it also reminded me that i had forgotten how incredibly heart breaking it can be as well... but really the chance of having that up, makes the risk of down so worth it.

love is a verb

my friends and i were talking about love and how it's a verb, you do love.  you want to do things for people you love that you normally wouldn't for those you don't.  that's how you know you love someone and that's how you know they love you.

do more love, don't be afraid.

‎"Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, and don't put up with people who are reckless with yours." -- Kurt Vonnegut

a walk through the past

i took a walk last night through my past and found lost memories i wasn't sure i wanted back.  i was cleaning and discovered my old journals that spanned a lot of different heart aches.

it was funny because i had written down conversations i had had with these guys and my reactions and why it hurt, how it hurt, fake letters i had written to get it all out and as i read them i realized i didn't remember ANY of it.  not even an inkling, i laid there in bed reading, trying to drawn up any sort of memory about it and i could barely do it.  there were some that i can feel a faint wisp of, but it's like someone had gone in and wiped out a whole lot of it.

i wonder if it's time, or if it's the trauma from my mom's death and then later that of my best friend that i can't remember anymore.  i don't remember if my ex did anything for valentine's day, i can't remember if we even spent new year's together, although we must've had because we shared at least one in our relationship.

i read about such loneliness and pain and looking back down can't even bring back the memory of that feeling at the time.  part of me wants to burn these pieces of paper and just let them go to dust, and yet part of me is wondering if i should keep them and hold onto them, so i don't forget what i learned.

funny thing is, after reading it, i get this in my e-mail from the Daily Om:

Answers in History

You may be strongly drawn to your past today. A desire to learn more about yourself or a yearning for intuitive guidance may lie at the heart of your need to look backward. If you can engage in self-examination and reminisce about old memories, you may awaken long-buried pieces of your past that could help clarify your experiences in the present. By looking at the choices you have made throughout various periods of your life, you’ll likely gain insight into ways you can make your current reality more satisfying. If you have questions regarding the direction your life should take, your past may hold the answers. Looking through old photographs and journals may help you step into your memories. Our past is filled with experiences that we were meant to live and is the foundation upon which we’ve built today. 


Your history can be a wonderful guidebook for life. Your past can hold valuable insights about your future. Everything you have done and experienced has granted you a measure of wisdom, and analyzing your life up to this point can help you learn about yourself, your reactions, your predilections, and your needs. A situation from your past may closely mirror your current circumstances so that how you responded then may hold clues for which action may benefit you today. Looking at your past today could guide you smoothly toward your future.

lessons from the surf

"Surfing is such an amazing concept. You're taking on Nature with a little stick and saying, 'I'm gonna ride you!' And a lot of times Nature says, 'No you're not!' and crashes you to the bottom."

                                           --Jolene Blalock

I can't believe I didn't start surfing when I first lived in Orange County.  It was always something I wanted to learn but I didn't try until 12 years later.  I finally told myself when I turned 30 that I was going to stop talking about all the things I wanted to try and just go do them.  I took a surfing class and it was hard, incredibly hard, and then I started stand up paddling and caught my first wave and rode it out on my SUP board.

It was indescribable, the feeling that very first time, where it felt like everything came together, the water, the board, my body - my soul/mind/heart all at once.  I knew right there and then I would never stop surfing, ever.

While I love that quote above, for me it would read something more like this, "Surfing is such an amazing concept.  You're trying to work with nature and time it just right so that the water, your body and your mind all come together at the right time.  You have to be patient and go with the flow and never forget your place, because Nature will come along and put you there."

Being on the water has taught me to be patient again, to wait, watch and learn.  Bide my time until things are right and then go for it.  It's also taught me that no matter how many times I fall, I need to just pick myself back up and try again, and keep on trying until I get it.

The ocean has really become my sanctuary and the one place that can set everything going on wrong right in me emotionally.

"The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears, or the sea" - Isak Dinesen

hard to imagine sometimes

there are moments when i look at a sweet photo of a couple and i get this sudden fear that i will never have that.  where i can't even picture a shadow of a person to be with.  i know how to be single, i'm so good at it. too good at it.

it's really a fear that i won't find someone who will fit me as well as i see some of my friends fit together with their partners.

rediscovering the girly side of me

there was a time when i used to wear dresses, slacks, and heels to work.  then all of that changed and it went to jeans, flats, and a nice top or sweater.  this became even more casual when i went back to business school.

if you asked me to choose though, i'd always choose something like this and flip flops over a dress and heels

sure.. it's grad school, but if i wasn't in a suit and heels for an event/networking/interview i was in flip flops, jeans, and a tank top, usually at the beach, on my board or somewhere outside soaking in the sun and relishing my freedom from a 40+ hour work week.  i knew what i had was precious and i was going to enjoy every minute of it.

fast foward two years and i'm back in the working world and all that's changed.  even thought i work for a company that let's us dress casually every day i've rediscovered the whole dress up idea.  back are the heels, the dresses (dressed down of course), and a bit more fashion.  granted the slacks are still hibernating in the back of the closet (i'll avoid those at all costs if possible), i'm still more of a jeans girl.

thanks to pinterest i'm also getting new ideas, i've got so many fashionable friends that are a constant inspiration to me!  if you want to buy me a present... click here. (i'll admit, i already bought some of it for myself). :D

safety and trust

it's funny how different i can be when i'm with people i feel completely safe with and trust.

i think it brings out the person that i really am inside.

why... why... why?

i often want to understand the "why"behind people, what motivates them to do what they do, to make them feel a certain way about something.  i guess that's why i was a psych major and why i do what i do for a living now.

anyway, my friend and i were talking about guys and she quotes this one book a lot.  almost like it's a medical study.  and i think people do this because we want to understand why.  why didn't things work out?  why didn't they feel this way?  why couldn't he have loved me as much as i loved him? why didn't he want me?

when the reality is you can't really explain it every time.  it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you (although we can definitely feel like there is), but rather that the two of you just didn't work.

at some point, someone may have thought that about you too.  while there may be some reasons people can articulate about why it didn't work, is that what really matters in the end?

a long time ago i asked myself those why questions for a long time and struggled to find answers (not that i ever really asked the guy either).  when finally i realized, it didn't matter.  i realized i had to stop asking why, it wasn't fixing anything and the answers wouldn't fix anything either.  it was what happened, he did what he did and that was that.  and i moved on. it was liberating.

it just feels like there are articles and books and studies that argue about every angle of relationships and what/why/how things do or don't work.  was it always like this? or has the internet made it easier to access/produce all this "information".

i think i'm going to stop reading about dating and relationships and just let life happen.

the heart swings high, the heart swings low

when my heart breaks now, it breaks harder than it did before.

as if it re-breaks all that was broken before.

after experiencing so much death my sensitivity to emotional pain is higher...
but that also means when something amazing happens that happiness is sweeter than it's been before.

that feeling is like a good drug and i want more.

lace, you so sex-ay

I'm not really a girly girl, sometimes I play pretend, but I'd rather be in outdoor gear, getting bruised and scraped from paddling, surfing, or rock climbing.  That's usually what makes me feel bold and sexy... but I started to see lace in all the shopping emails I get and suddenly I realized I was falling in love with lace and it crept into my wardrobe...

As I embark on this journey to be a little more feminine (under the advice of my dad.. yeah can you believe he said that to me?) I've been experimenting more with my clothes, shoes, and accessories.  There was a time when I used to wear heels all the time and dress up for work.  Then I realized it didn't make sense working at a non-profit where I'd consistently spill papaya juice on myself moving fruit boxes and scuff my heels against the rolling racks, so I traded those clothes for jeans, flats and nice tops.

Then for the next six years that's how life was, enter b-school and I put suits on about once a month, but still I lived in flip flops, jeans and tanks.  Then I get a job at one of the coolest tech companies so it's not like we dress up there either.  (My jeans were thrilled, my dress pants not so much).  But enter lace...

Unassuming lace, this gentle, frilly, looking fabric that made its way onto dresses, underpinnings, sweaters, tops, you name it!  I become like a whole different girl with lace on!  The heels got dusted off and the dresses made a reappearance back into the general rotation of my wardrobe.  And most of all it's become fun!

I still haven't gotten rid of the jeans, I just dress them up now versus down.  Now that I remember that fashion was fun and not work and that clothing can make a girl experience a whole range of feelings - from sweet girl next door to sexy vixen.

Thanks lace for helping me remember that dressing up can also be bold and sexy.

I wonder if they make lacey looking wetsuits... kidding.

check out the cute lace stuff i've been finding on my pinterest!

i'd rather be drilling holes in my garage wall

i finally found a reason to buy a drill and was super excited to use my brand new drill! (no more borrowing from my guy friends and no it's not pink, ew.)

i was all excited to start working on my project, pulled everything out to the garage and got started.  phone rings and i pick it up without thinking.  it's a guy i went on a date with and he wanted to chat about our second date.  as the call progresses i realize something... i'd rather be drilling holes into the wall of my garage rather than talk to him on the phone.

not a good sign.

i finally decided that even though i know i should push myself out of my comfort zone when it comes to dating, i have to admit to myself when there just wasn't a spark with someone and let go of the idea that 'maybe it will come with a second date.'  there's nothing wrong with these guys (well with most of them anyway).  there's just a lack of chemistry.

i've come up with two main reasons for this:
1) it's online dating and i do better when i meet people organically
2) i'm too picky (yeah i admit it now)

but i look at it this way i'm a girl that knows the type of guy that i want and believe one of two things will happen:  a) i will find this guy or b) i will someone who makes me forget that i had this list of stuff i thought i wanted this person to have...

because either way, it's got to start with some sort of chemistry, some vibe or feeling that i will get knowing that i have a connection with this person, something that makes me want to hang out with them again.

with any luck/fate/universe making things happen this feeling will develop into something deeper and knock me off my feet. :)