So my new place is freaking awesome, I love it here. And my roommates.. omg.. make me laugh until it hurts and tears are coming out of my eyes. I hope it'll be fun like this all year long.. maybe not too fun.. I still need to study.. yay school!

Okay.. so it's been awhile since I've last posted. School's started, I've moved into my new place... BY THE BEACH!!! hehehe Okay I had to rub it in, it's beautiful here. Alrighty, gonna keep it short, until I have something good to write.

I used to sit and wonder
Would I ever be happy
Life was so bittersweet
So many disapointments
Too many ups and downs for me
When you live a nightmare
It's hard to dream

But sometimes life just isn't fair
So why complain nobody cares
And I don't wanna waste nobody's time
So I'm

I'm about to change my vibe
Today the sun's gonna shine
'cause I made up my mind
That today will be the start of better days
Leavin' old shit behind
And move on with my life
The blindfold's off my eyes
And now all I see for me is better days

Affraid of my reflection
Tell me that's not me I see
That's who I wanna be
Stuck somewhere in the middle
On half full or half empty
Waiting for somebody to come and rescue me

Can't let that petty attitude
Start to jade my point of view
Only thing that does is bring me down
So I'm

I'm about to change my vibe
Today the sun's gonna shine
'cause I made up my mind
That today will be the start of better days
Leavin' old shit behind
And move on with my life
The blindfold's off my eyes
And now all I see for me is better days

Hurt so many times before
I use to cry but no more
Just let it go and life can feel
So good
Stop living that blues

Can't let that petty attitude
Start to jade my point of view
Only thing it does is bring me down
So I'm

I'm about to change my vibe
Today the sun's gonna shine
'cause I made up my mind
That today will be the start of better days
Leavin' old shit behind
And move on with my life
The blindfold's off my eyes
And now all I see for me is better days

I'm about to change my vibe
Today the sun's gonna shine
'cause I made up my mind
That today will be the start of better days
Leavin' old shit behind
And move on with my life
The blindfold's off my eyes
And now all I see for me is better days

Better Days-Janet Jackson

you know those trucks that carry the crates of chickens.. i was thinking, how they're all stacked up on top of each other in rows.. and how much it would suck to be the chickens on the very bottom.. because in a long truck ride you're gonna need to go to the bathroom sometime.

part of me wants to just ignore it, forget it, because it's so awful.. but I can't. It's there, it happened and I feel like I can see the explosion and the building collapse before my eyes.. imagining what it was like for the people dying. A complete act of hate and all I can do is pray, but it doesn't seem like it's enough. I keep going about my day and it will start to feel normal and then I remember, it won't ever be normal again. Once you feel something it's there forever, you can push it away and try to forget it, but it doesn't make it go away.. you felt it, now you know.

This will never go away. Remember it.

9/11/2001- Second Pearl Harbor they're calling it..they shouldn't.. remember what happened after the bombing? The racism brought forth against innocent people? It seems so surreal, like out of a movie. Suddenly the world doesn't seem so safe anymore, nothing does. Especially since we can't even put a face to the monsters who've done the bombing. All I can do it just sit here and go on with my day, seems kind of stupid, like I should be doing something else... still not quite sure what to do right now. >:| I hate feeling helpless.

I was reading my friends online diaries, and it's funny because when I read them I can hear their voices in my head. As if they were talking to me, I wonder if anyone hears my voice when reading mine.. or maybe I'm just one of those people who don't write like they talk.

STRENGTH- The state, property, or quality of being strong.

It's nice to know that you have friends who love you so much they'd do practically anything to make you happy and keep you safe.. and I can never thank them enough.

one minute you know exactly where you're going, what you're doing, and who you are.. and then suddenly someone or some thing could come in like a hurricane and blow you completely apart, and all you can do is just go back and pick up the pieces and maybe some new ones too to put yourself back together again.. but in the end you'll get there.

sanctuary- a place of refuge or asylum...

note to self: stop worrying so much.. and RELAX! try to enjoy life..

searching: a place where you feel like you're on top the world.. where it's just you and the sky and if you looked up it would seem as if the ground beneath you was gone. And for one brief moment, you feel like you're flying..

... still searching ...

I'm in Tahoe on family vacation and I'm online.. is that sad? Scary perhaps. All the conveniences of home, even the internet next to a gorgeous lake and beautiful trees. But anyway, it is beautiful up here and makes me feel so much more alive.. this place untouched and away from the rudeness of life you begin to see what really matters. Well it makes ME feel more reflective anyway.. haha I think too much as it is. But up here, I don't have to really think that much, everything seems clearer. And all you have to do is just enjoy what's there and not worry. It's like you're in a whole other world, the sky, the trees, the lake and you... no worries.